Masks

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 12:40 -- nayanaw

I've always wondered what people see when they look at me. When you first lay eyes on her, what do you think? Some see a stereotypical black girl, loud with no self respect. Others may see a quiet, shy child who thinks more and speaks less. You may see a young woman with goals that scream out success. Or you could see a female that don't care all day, but every night is full of regrets. This is what you perceive when I'm caught in your view. Although they're all wrong, I don't blame you. I'm a soul of multiple masks, a different character for different days. And no, I'm not schizophrenic. It's how I protect ME from YOUR judgmental ways. I can count, with one hand, how many people know the real me. And even those people can't say they know my soul truthfully. Including me. Who am I inside? Even I can't answer that wholly. But I'll tell you what isn't known by those who claim to know me. First things first, I'm a child of God. Always have been, always will be. And though I get lost in sin every now and then, he still loves me enough to find and forgive me. I am beautiful,  when my insecurities aren't insight. But it's almost like, every single night, they come out to play, make me threaten my own life. And when I'm surrounded by complete darkness, thats when they're in plain sight. I am a girl full of words. Without them, I'm lost with no hope of being found. And although I'm seldom heard, that doesn't stop me from writing them down. I am a girl with a song for a soul, music is my source of oxygen. Please don't turn off the radio. Unless it's ignorant and has no substance. I'd rather suffocate than listen to 2 chainz or drake. I am lost in some parts of my life. I don't know which turn to take, left or right. And when I choose, I usually end up at a dead end. But I'll just turn around and go back again. I am inspired by everyone that I see. I don't have to know you for you to inspire me. I am creative, I can't be what's already been. I've tried to fit in, but can't hide that I'm different. And that's okay. I mean, it has to be. Why waste time tryna be like you when, chances are, you're wasting time tryna be like me? It's a sickening circle that never ends. And it's all powered by society. Why do you think it sets trends? To get us all in one group and hide who we really are. Because we'd be too powerful if we shine the light of our own star. And I'm guilty as charged. But there are a few who don't live life as a show. They aren't afraid of what you think. Yes, these are the starring roles. But for the rest of us, the show goes on. And each day we take the stage. We put on the mask that we think fits that play. But when the theater is empty, and the curtains are closed. Who am I? I'm just a girl,  trying to be one of those few starring roles.

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741