Today I found myself freaking out over college – Washington State University here I come –

Wanting to run into your arms and have you hold me.

I almost called you, and told you I missed you.

But I didn’t.

I told myself to be brave.

And it doesn’t hurt quite as much.

But it still feels like someone shoved a hand through my chest cavity and took my heart in their fist and started squeezing.

Over and over.

But it’s getting easier every day.

And I find solace in my rock.

And in knowing that in six weeks, I won’t ever see you again.

Maybe then I’ll be ready to forgive you.

Maybe then I’ll be ready to forgive both of you.

But by then it will be too late anyway.