I feel alone.
Even though I live with my family and I have my friends on my contact list I feel alone.
I feel empty.
I hear the words people say and it hurts but at the same time they make me feel more empty.
I'm not ok.
They all ask me that same question but I know they don't want the real answer so I simply say I'm fine but in reality, I'm not ok.
Even though nobody tells me I know I'm a burden and I'm sorry you have to deal with me.
My chest is burning and I can't breath and I can feel the tears in my eyes someone please tell my why it hurts.
I look at my body and I compare it to society's idea of beautiful and I'm disappointed that I don't meet the exception.
I am utterly and deeply sad and I can't make the pain go away.
I'm a disappointment.
I know my mom wants me to be a perfect Christian child but I can't help that I like both men and women and I can see her eyes swirling with judgement and disappointment.
I'm not enough.
I try I really do but everyone keeps reminding me that no matter what I do, I will never be enough.
I can feel it inside me the urge to end it all so the pain can finally end but then I imagine my young sibling finding me not breathing and I could never do that.
I am not living I am merely breathing and moving with nothing to keep me from drowning but I am surviving.
I am finished.
I am finished with this life and maybe I will still be alive in another but I am finished.
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