Me and only me

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In the wind there’s a whisper,

It speaks the truth but I choose not listen

For it is not what I want to hear

It bares the words that I have been running from my whole life

The fear clutches in my throat

And searing tear steak down my face

The whisper gets louder and loader until it consumes me

It fills my mouth and before I know it

The breathe that I so desperately need is snatched away

My heart beats uncontrollably in my chest and I struggle for breathe

Then finally when I have no other choices I give in

And let the words sink deep within me

The truth

The fear subsides and sorrow takes its place as I accept the unescapable truth

It’s me

It’s my fault

And there is no way to change the past

And at last the darkness closes in and envelopes me into its unforgiving thoughts

And I am lost

 

 

I am at sea with myself

And as I was crawling back

Out of the depths of hell

By some miraculous and unbelievable chance

I ran into you

When I thought that I had nothing left

In the distance I see

The woman who is supposed to love me for me

And finally back she comes

To reassure me to love me and to set these fleeting thoughts at bay

But of course that was nothing more than a hopeful dream

That was so far from the truth

Instead in hear lies deceit and hateful slander

But how could it be

This is the woman that I'm supposed to look up to

To love to cherish and to hold deep within my heart

Yet she chooses men over her children

Lies over the truth

Just so that she does not have to accept the pain that she has caused

Because she is the victim

No wrong doing can be done by this "saint" of a mother

It’s suddenly so clear to me

There is no changing someone that does not believe that there is a need for change

She has made her own choices

And now I am making mine

 

 

There is no comparison between me and her that is beyond skin deep

I have witness and felt the pain that she is capable of inflicting on her own children

I been manipulated by the power of her golden tongue

And torn down by the venom in her words

Yet here we stand at the cross roads with a decision at hand

But I cannot bear to look in to my future children eyes and see the same pain and anguish that I have once felt

I can’t stand to be the cause of their fear, tears, and depression

But doesn’t she see that this is what she does to me

Does she not see that at this point

I am less afraid of her

And more afraid of becoming her

To at my eyes in the mirror to see her burning eyes looking back

To cower in fear and pray

That this is not MY end

I will not let that fear control me

 

 

So here and now I make my choice

I will never be even an inkling of her

Yes our eyes will be the same

But they do not see the same thing

Our mouths exact but used in different ways

Our ears small and similar but hear those cries for help

Looks can be deceiving 

And so much as wish these words were not true

This is my reality

This is who I am

Who I will always be

A small afraid little girl

Hoping and praying with every inch of my soul

I have the strength and courage to be me

And only me

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