Pain is the feeling I get when I think of you,

You’re gone and you left us behind.

I can’t help but think about what you would be doing,

If you were still here with us.

Laughter is the sound I remember when we were all together,

But now we can’t hear your laugh anymore.

All of the fun times we had when you were here,

Now there is an empty space in our family picture.

The joy of every Christmas gift that was given

To all of your nieces and nephews,

And the excitement of having you with us

The month before you left.

You had a hard time with driving,

Just had your third crash in a few months that night,

With the second rental car the company gave you.

That was the last time I saw you

On that cozy Christmas night.

The next month, Aunt called me in a panic for Dad,

He had heard the news first.

We sat in the living room,

Waiting to hear what kind of news there was.

Then Dad called and spoke to Mom,

She told us you were gone.

For a moment I didn’t know what she meant,

But I figured it out;

You had left us completely.

The memory of you on Christmas night came back,

I thought “He didn’t have to do this.”

“He had so much to live for.”

You, being only thirty-two years old.

I cried myself to sleep that night,

Hoping that it wasn’t real.

Hoping that maybe this might have been a joke,

That someone was playing a sick joke.

There were questions that needed answers,

And the answers were heartbreaking.

You had a heartattack.

Our hearts ached and still do,

For the loss of you.

That was what made it worse though,

Knowing the answers.

But the memories that I have of you,

I will always have and that is the joy I feel

When I think about you now.

Although the pain is still there,

And you’re still gone.

I still can’t help but think about where you would be,

If only you were still here with us.