I watch in sadness

As you explain how you're afraid to die

But also afraid to live

+

What a way to exist....

 

But I can do nothing.

 

I watch in sadness as you scream at yourself through me.

You scream how stupid you are,

How much you failed,

What you should've done…

But I can do nothing.

 

I watch in horror as you wipe away blood from your legs and your wrists.

You wipe the blade clean and stash it behind an old photo, hoping to forget it.

But I see it.

It's still there.

It scares me, too.

But I can do nothing.

 

I get startled as the door slams and you stomp upstairs.

You crash on your bed and try to breathe.

In, out, in, out....

Counseling was rough tonight?

As usual?

What'd she accuse you of this time?1

I can only ask these questions in silence as you scream the answers to yourself.

But I can do nothing.

 

I watch in sympathy as you model yourself through me.

You suck in your stomach,

Push your breasts up,

And make modeling faces.

Just hoping to look prettier,

Wanting to slim down,

Craving to be accepted.

Then you cry again...

But I can do nothing.

 

I watch in awe as you enter one of

Your few moments of true happiness.

You turn up an album to full volume

And dance!

Oh, how you dance!

You watch yourself in me,

And smile,

Knowing it's not good,

But you're happy.

And that's all that matters

In this moment.

You love yourself now,

And that makes me happy.

 

Then the cycle starts again.

And I can only watch,

Wishing to help comfort,

Assure,

And be happy.

All with you.

But I'm your mirror...

I can only watch

And reflect....