miss. understood

Fri, 05/16/2014 - 20:54 -- cking97

Nobody understands me.

Not my momma, my brother, my boyfriend, my sister, my auntie, my cousin, my best friend.

They just don't get it.

They are oh so proud of me, but they don't understand.

They give me so little push, and I need so much more.

There is no one telling me that I need to do more, work more, study more, strive more. 

They just want me to settle because I am doing so much better than they are.

It's not enough, I know it.

This place only represents the smallest portion of the world, and not even the successful part.

Just because I'm doing great here doesn't mean that I will do great out there.

I know it.

I know it because I see it. 

These white people expect me to do what I am doing, and they want so much more. 

But here. Here, I am praised. 

People hug me and kiss me because I am doing so "great".

In the real world, this shit ain't great. It's not even acceptable.

They want MORE.

I can barely give more because I have no one helping me, no one pushing me, no one telling me to do better.

It's hard.

It's so hard to be your only motivator.

It's just so damn hard....

I can only push my self so much.

So much until I begin to break. To cry. To develop a migraine problem because I am that damn stressed out.

I can't even make it throughout the day without these stupid meds that I'm on.

That's how much I have pushed myself.

I only have this much push left. 

My will is there, but my body is incapable.

I don't have anything left, but I HATE the idea of settling for less.

HELL NO.

I HAVE to make it out the hood because it's just not where I belong.

I HAVE to get a high-paying job because my family is that damn broke.

We're fucking homeless, and nobody deserves this shit.

Nobody.

It's not cool.

I just need somebody...someone that wants to have my back for ONCE.

Somebody that will keep me on the right track to keep me pushing, and striving, and motivated to get out of this dark hole that I'm in.

I just need one person, because I can only do so much by myself. 

God please send me somebody to keep me on my feet, because no one around me understands.

Until then, I will just be here, known as Miss.Understood.

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