I'm not where I should be. 

I know I'm not what I could be. 

I never knew how cold I could get 

without the drugs and people helping me forget. 

Looking at the bottom of empty bottles. 

I was desperate for a divine sign that I was meant to live. 

A smile, a red balloon on broad street

I'd take anything 

I was looking down the barrel of a gun looking for a single reason to live.

Instead of one divine reason 

I found a thousand small ones. 

How dogs shake with happiness when they see you. 

The comfort of the silence in a living room 

Extra buttered popcorn. 

Becoming a human burrito on a cold day. 

I'd never felt better than when I ripped up the floor boards I buried my voice under. 

Broke my grandmother's china, smashed my bedroom window, scratched my nails on a chalkboard 

Made noise for every time I was afraid to speak my mind.