Monsters in my Head

she silently stares at the monsters under her bed
chin resting on the knees she has pulled to her chest,
eyes as empty as the rhythmic heart beating—
out of obligation—
between her ribs.

the once malicious eyes stare back, lazily with contempt.
defeated and aware that they don’t scare her anymore.

she has failed to be afraid;
they have failed to be frightful.

true or not, they are believed,
so all other ideas are made invalid.

They are worth nothing without each other.
They are worth nothing.

She flicks on the light at the sound of her alarm,
doesn’t even jump, doesn’t even flinch
at the numbing-ly familiar routine
The monsters go back into hiding
what from is not clear,
they aren’t entirely hiding from anything,
not anyone.

you can
see them clearly
in ladd-
ers on smooth skin.

Bitter winds strike her face
on the May morning.
trudging off too…
she can’t remember…
but her feet do
as they carry her onward.

Ridiculed, stared at, and questioned
no time taken to understand,
echos in her mind
sting like memories
as she stares at white walls with writing
her name is called
from somewhere in the near distance.

“come back, come back to us, come back”

chills, the first feeling she has had all day.
chills of a good memory
turned bad by circumstance.

times up; her empty smile
receives approval as she parts,
Bitter wind at her back.

The floor of her bedroom is cold
mechanical, and clinical
as she returns to sit alone with the monsters.

Waiting to love her with warm embrace.
“welcome back, we missed you, how was…”

Suddenly angry, she reaches for a shard of glass
from the mirror
that she slammed down,
when did she do that?

she grabs it, the monsters grab her,
and shake her, and she’s screaming
blinding, numb, but full of
pleading
let me go,
let me go,
let me go,

let me go.

she silently stares at the mirror under her bed

chin resting on the knees she has pulled to her chest,
eyes as empty as the rhythmic heart beating—
out of obligation—
between her ribs.

They will not let her go.

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