So I told him I liked him

I thought I knew what he would say back

Which is why I put myself out there

After many days of contemplating

 

I told him I liked him and

He didn’t say it back

That’s ok. I’m ok.

 

Except for the fact that

He won’t talk to me anymore

Or look me in my eye

Making me feel less than

Like I should’ve listened to my nana when she told me

“Let him make the first move! It’s tradition”

 

I said, “screw tradition!” and I off I went

Full steam ahead.

Confidence and ego on fire.

 

Rejection.

Sucks.

 

I told him I liked him and

He didn’t say it back

That’s ok. I’m ok.

 

Except it’s not

And I’m not ok

I struggling to cope

But what does that say about how we handle rejection?

 

Why can I not bounce back?

Why is it impossible to think, “So, what? This is just for now”

Why does it feel like the world doesn’t want me to find happiness

Why does it feel like every day I’m trudging through a thick mud

And a thick fog

And also I’m not wearing my glasses,

So I can’t see more than four feet ahead

 

I am wandering into darkness

I did something and I didn’t know what the results would be

And it backfired

Badly.

I lost control of my situation while trying to control it

And now I have to learn to move on

I’m afraid to come to terms with it even though I already have

I’m terrified to tell anyone else I like them because

Rejection.

Sucks.

 

But that isn’t going to stop me

There will be other boys

And other opportunities for love will come around

I am going to have to continue learning how to be resilient

Even when it feels like my nana doesn’t want me to be

 

I am the Israelite

Wandering through my Negev in hopes of finding home

 

I am the nomad

Looking for my next temporary place of residence

 

I am the gypsy

Stealing glimpses of other people’s lives, searching for my stability

 

I will continue wandering, looking and searching for my whole life

I will have to learn to take risks and how to

Become more confident leaping into the unknown,

Looking for answers In a seemingly unforgiving terrain