Dear Self,

Parties and carefree days, this is what I thought my 16th Summer would be filled with. I couldn't have been more wrong. It started off like any other, but things would soon change. Tuesday, July 7th was hot. My brother and I were coming home from a summer class we had taken. The trains were delayed and the commute was a disaster, but when we got home we found out the cause of the delay. Someone had jumped in front of the R train at 72nd Street (just 2 blocks from where we got on) and committed suicide earlier in the day. Crazy people in this world we thought, until we found out that it was my best friend Maggie's father. He was smart, successful, handsome with a beautiful wife and two lovely daughters. He had more friends than you could count. What could drive this seemingly happy and untroubled man to do this remains a mystery.  In the days that followed we helped my friend and her family get through the darkest times they had ever faced.  Little did we know this would not be the end to the tragedy.

Sunday, July 16 at 9:07 PM my mom came into my room. I have been watching a movie with headphones on, trying to unwind from the terrible week. I knew by her face that something has gone terribly wrong.   "Katie your friends have been trying to reach you, did you get any of the messages? ".   Within a few moments I would learn that one of my dearest friends, Sean, had been killed by a drunk driver while riding his bike home from work. We all had raced to the scene, and hundreds of kids lined the street that night and watched in horror as the police lay two white sheets over our friend at opposite ends of the block.  The silence was absolutely deafening. The accident itself had been catastrophic and our beautiful friend, like our lives, torn in two.  We didn't know how we would survive this? Sean had just graduated from high school a few weeks before. He had a bright future ahead of him and  loving family along with his loving group of friends  that he left behind.   We banded together once again, as we just had for Maggie. We spent the next few weeks praying, comforting one another and holding each other up, endlessly.  
July finally came to an end, after what seems like an eternity and the dog days of August were upon us. That's some I have been particularly difficult in my home as I had been lashing out at my father following the days of Sean's death. My entire life, I suffered under an alcoholic dad. I would wait in fear when he came home, Which dad would it be? The fun dad that would buy ice cream, the mean dad that would be yelling and screaming, or the completely incoherent dad that we were embarrassed of. I blamed all people like him “for having no self control” that took our friend away. My father’s own demons finally caught up to him that month. He lost his job and was remanded to a rehab facility hours from our home. It was sad to watch him pack his bag while the car that would escort him waited outside. He didn't say much, he couldn't. The silence, again, was so loud my ears hurt.  My family banded together, my mom my brothers and I. There was no money coming in and the bills piled up. While none of us wanted to admit it there was some comfort to be taken that there was peace in the house, no matter how much slack we had to pick up.
My 16th summer was certainly not what I had imagined, but I'm not 100% sure I would change every aspect of it even if I could. I learned some invaluable lessons during those difficult weeks. I learned to appreciate and value the time we have with those we love. I learned a profound respect for drugs and alcohol.   I am confident in the fact that neither my brothers, my friends, nor I would ever get behind the wheel of a car under the influence for we have seen what it does. It rips apart families and destroys the lives of both the victims and the offenders. I've learned the value of friendship and that consolation can be the strongest gift you can give someone.  I've learned that silence can truly be the loudest sound. Most importantly, I've learned to live my life to the fullest, to enjoy every day I have with those I love, and to channel pain into positivity.