Love is the key to pure happiness.
The next, love is nothing but a devilish villain
That poisons all that is real and beautiful.
How could something that feels so right be so wrong?
Like a sinister disease
First, blinding two young and easily swayed targets
The next, lighting fire to satisfaction that plays the role of justification
Justification for the two lovers and their rebellious actions
Regardless of the attention and the dozens of piercing spectacles with quick-to-judge eyes it might draw in.
Then, to finish them off
Love intoxicates the foolish woman’s mind.
She becomes clouded with paranoia, jealousy, and angst.
The love that once was so marvelous and pure
That bloomed like flowers in spring,
That so naturally oozed
Like sweet dew on the tongues of bright green leaves in the morning
It becomes lifeless
And then it vanishes.
Of course, being the overly hopeful human being that I am,
I await for love’s return on the edge of my rigid, economy-class seat.
The deceiving process quickly comes to an end.
And even from the tiny, fuzzy screen built into the chair
Of the passenger seat in front of me
The story makes its way
Just a teenage girl,
A second year college student
Flying home to spend time with family.
What a tragic,
Spectacularly overdramatic ending.
As the credits run down the screen,
I become incapable of producing any words.
The story came around full circle.
Not the happy ending I hoped for,
But it was realistic.
Justice was served.
Who knew that engaging in a two-hour drama
That I randomly flipped to after giving into jetlag
Would inspire me
to get lost in my thoughts.
The combination of movements, music, dialogue
The way it pieced together all too perfectly
Made me feel like I was in one of my dreams
Where I feel overly conscious,
Like when I was a little girl,
I could play pretend again in my mind.
Maybe it's that I'm finally realizing after 18 years
That I'm uncomfortable in my own skin…
So much so that I'd rather exist solely in my thoughts:
Free from judgment, from criticism, from society on my every move.
Putting these thoughts down
Opens the door to my dangerous wonderland.
This is not the first time.
Movies like these in spaces like these help me unwind and unlock.
I revisit my second home, the secret side of my mind
Full of all those thoughts I keep hidden.
If they truly are my own I cannot be sure.
Maybe it's that part of me that should be locked away forever
Or maybe it's just that I've been stuck on a plane
And I haven't spoken to anyone for six hours.
Maybe it's just that I'm 19 but I feel 13
Or maybe I'm just letting my emotions swallow me up and spit me out.
Then again, it may just be me playing poet (I think it may be just that).
I truly am just swimming in my thoughts again.
Oh how safe this feels
Like I'm in a pool outside under the stars,
Gliding in warm waters kissed by the icy air,
Drifting at the top,
My head upwards, gazing at the picturesque scene
No billions of stars
Up above me.
Turbulance kicks in.
I open my eyes.
I look to the right, out my window, to see the bright cotton candy skies
And the gigantic wing of the plane:
A Difficult to ignore, manmade object in this world
That confirms that I am not in a dream,
But in a world overflowing with human beings.
Men and women:
Each one seems so different to me.
Like we are all of a different species,
My mind can't always make sense of it,
Any of it.
Right before I fall any further,
The seatbelt sign turns on.
Turbulence kicks in again.
My imagination turns off
And I slip out the door of
My dangerous wonderland,
Until we meet again.