** this poem serves as a voice for those that may struggle to express their depression/anxiety. fill in the blanks with the name of your choice.
My Depression and Anxiety - Explained By: Z. Alarcon
(____), depression is a real thing.
Some days it’s me not wanting to get out of bed,
other days it’s me not wanting to live.
On the days I don’t want to get up,
I’m usually trying to find a reason to.
I call those days “everyday”.
(____) suggests that I get up and do some
work around the house.
I hear that as, “Get up and stop being lazy.”
When you ask me what you did for me to
be giving you this “attitude”.
you continue on and on
with all the things you do for me.
(____), that’s what’s wrong.
I’m not given the chance
to speak for myself.
You’re not giving yourself
the opportunity to listen.
It’s during those moments that I learn
not everyone is going to take the time to listen.
Depression is not something everyone is going to understand.
(____) says the problem is that I’m lazy.
No, (____), I’m not lazy.
“Then stop being anxious.
Where is all this coming from anyways?”
It’s didn’t come from anywhere.
It’s always been here,
constantly making unscheduled appearances
Throughout my day.
Anxiety is why
I stay away from crowds.
I hesitate to make phone calls
because I feel like I’m
the annoying fruit fly
that won’t let you eat
your honeydew in peace.
“Well, then stop calling people
and focus on school.”
How can I explain to you that
school is the reason I call people anyway.
The person on the other end of the line
hears about the history test I passed today,
and the biology test that’s coming up next week.
(____), I do this for you.
I study hard
and pretend like I want to
become a doctor or a lawyer.
In essence, I want to “become somebody”.
If only you would listen
you’d hear that I want to
be a United States Marine
or motivational speaker.
You’d hear that I want to
work on trucks and travel the world.
Sure, I want to make you happy,
but I want to make myself happy first.
You tell me to go make myself some friends,
but get mad when I ask to go visit them.
The answer is usually no anyway.
When I’m at home during winter break,
I lock myself in my room
and tie myself to the bed.
I have essentially no motivation
to talk to you or even my best friends.
I write suicide notes
in the form of a poem.
Nobody knows the difference anyway.
You wouldn’t have known this
if I hadn’t called you from school
With tears rolling down my face and fear in my voice.
I’ve had scars on my arm
I never expected you to notice anyway.
It’s a shame cuts were the only way I could be heard.
(____), depression isn’t
a teenager hooked on medication.
Depression isn’t going to change
who I was before the diagnosis,
because I’m still that same person.
Don’t treat me any different.
People tell me happiness is a choice,
but my happiness only lasts
as long as a hail storm in California.
Not very long.
Next time you come into my room,
and I’m still lying in bed,
ask me what you did for me
to have this “attitude”.