My Funny Numbers In Lyrics

Song One

Few Good Friends Of Mine - Rum, Gin And Wine

 

[Chorus]

Let me tell you this story

About life’s little mystery

About few good friends of mine

You may think they are swine

But their power you cannot undermine

They always make me happy

And they always make me smile

They are beer, gin, vodka, tequila

Scotch, rum and wine

Now put them all together

And what’s is not to like about this motherfucker

And it makes one mean drink this sucker

And what’s not to like about this motherfucker

 

They never abandon me

In good times or bad

They are always there for me

Whether I am happy or sad

They are always there for me

Come rain or shine

They are always there for me

Come rain or shine

All these true friends of mine

Who never abandon me

Come rain or shine

All these true friends of mine

Who never abandon me

Come rain or shine

 

[Stanza]

 

The star that really shines

Is that all intoxicating glass of wine

With them I am never out of line

And they always give me the time

And this is no crime

When it makes me feel so fine

And when they are inside of me

I am on cloud nine

Won’t you please stay

And just be mine

 

One tall glass of cold smooth beer

Things are no longer fuzzy

And everything becomes clear

It always fills me with cheer

After I have had one

I am in top gear

And I have no fear

Won’t you please be a dear

And tell all my friends and buddies

You are my man of the year

 

A shot of good old tequila

Always goes well with my hookah

Somebody please go tell that bitch Sheila

She is the only game in town

And a looker

I really miss that bitch from hell

Didn’t you know ya

Somebody please go tell that bitch Sheila

I really miss that bitch from hell

Didn’t you know ya

 

When I am with my trusted friend gin

I never know where I have been

It always takes me on a spin

Why does it always taste like sin

Sometimes I think it is my evil twin

Maybe because it makes me feel like Led Zeppelin

It’s not like I am a fuckin Lenin

It’s not like I am a fuckin Lenin

 

Then there is always the unassuming Absolut vodka

It puts me on full salute

And takes me closer to Kama Sutra

You decide whether it makes me cobra or cheetah

O my precious diva

How about you and I

For a long time now

I have wanted to meet ya

How about you and I

Get down and rumba

 

A tall glass of sweet cola and rum

And I have no choice but to agree with Lord Byron

Because I do feel it is my true religion

You may think it makes me dumb

But I did not come out of an ashram

Think what you may

I will never be yours handsome

Even if I am lonesome

Think what you may

I will never be yours handsome

 

This good old glass of scotch

It always makes my world rock

Because it takes me on a glorious high Sherlock

And do not mock

And do not read too much into this

And do not get shocked

This is no idle talk

It is always great times

When it’s me and my buddy scotch

 

[Chorus]

 

Now put them all together

And it makes one mean drink

And then what’s not to like about this motherfucker

And it makes one mean drink

And then what’s not to like about this motherfucker

All these true friends of mine

Who never abandon me

Come rain or shine

All these true friends of mine

Who never abandon me

Come rain or shine

 

Song Two

Bitch Why Did You Leave Me

 

[Chorus]

 

Bitch you don’t know this

But I loved you very much

And we were supposed to see

Life’s highs and lows

And grow old together

Now I am all alone

Eating frozen dinners

 

[Stanza 1]

 

Bitch you said

I didn’t treat you right

But didn’t you always

Start the fight

 

Bitch you said I cheated on you

But bitch did that mean

You had to change all the locks

You shrew

 

Bitch you said

I was not good in bed

But bitch did everyone around us

Needed to know this

 

Bitch you left me

You said I robbed you of your dignity

But what you did not have in first place

Bitch what loss

 

[Stanza 2]

 

Bitch you said I was never around

But did that mean

You had to be mean

To my fuckin mother

And say she was sleeping around

 

Bitch you said I was always complaining

Was it too bad

I wanted a threesome

With your best friend you fuckin freakin

 

Bitch you said I did not pay attention to you

But bitch the way you talked non stop

I sometimes had to tune out

Just so you know

 

Bitch you always said

I was a mean son of a bitch

But bitch did you always have to

Bring my fuckin family into the middle

Of everything

 

[Stanza 3]

 

Bitch you said

I did not make enough money

But bitch did you have to assume

I shirked all my responsibilities

 

Bitch you said my friends were too loud

But bitch did you have to

Cheat with my best friend

To make a point

 

Bitch you said

I was not good at communication

But did that mean

You had to ruin my

Fuckin reunion

 

Bitch you said

I drank too much

But bitch with you in my life

Did I have a choice

 

[Stanza 4]

 

Bitch you said

Nothing I did was good enough

I wish that son of a bitch father of yours

Had fucked you

And shut you up

 

Bitch you always said that

I did not look good

But did that mean

You had to pick all my clothes

From underwear to my shoes

 

Bitch you said that

I stayed out too long

But bitch did that mean

You could burn all my clothes

Because of your hate for me

You devil’s own

 

Bitch you said

I did not pitch in

Bitch why don’t you

Pick up a pitch fork

And dive right head in

 

 

Song Three

It’s Not Like I am Drunk

 

Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

I just had couple of extra drinks

It’s not like I am drunk

Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

It’s not like I robbed a bank

It’s not like I murdered someone

I just had a couple of extra drinks

Baby don’t make such a big deal out of it

 

Why are you so mad at me?

I know I am a little late

I got delayed at the bar a little

Had a very rough day at work

I just wanted to drown my sorrows for a while

I wanted to forget my worries

I know you were waiting for me

I did not forget about us

Let it go baby

 

Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

I just had couple of extra drinks

It’s not like I am drunk

Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

It’s not like I robbed a bank

It’s not like I murdered someone

I just had a couple of extra drinks

Baby don’t make such a big deal out of it

 

Baby be a little understanding

Do understand what I am going through

It was not the drink that drew me to the bar

I just wanted to hang out with my buddies for a while

That is why I was there

While I was there I decided to get couple of drinks

Just wanted to hang loose

Just wanted to drown my sorrows

I did not forget about us

I know I am a little late

Let it go baby

 

Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

I just had couple of extra drinks

It’s not like I am drunk

Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

It’s not like I robbed a bank

It’s not like I murdered someone

I just had a couple of extra drinks

Baby don’t make such a big deal out of it

 

Stop being so mad at me

I really had a very rough day

Things just did not go my way today

I hate when that happens

I did not mean for this to happen

It’s not my fault that things turned out this way

I just needed to get away from it all

I just needed to feel centered again

I was not even planning on going to the bar

But really had a lousy day

Wanted to forget about it all

Let go it baby

 

Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

I just had couple of extra drinks

It’s not like I am drunk

Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

It’s not like I robbed a bank

It’s not like I murdered someone

I just had a couple of extra drinks

Baby don’t make such a big deal out of it

 

Stop being so mad at me

I know things got a little out of hand at the bar

I did not mean it to happen

I did not mean for things to get out of control

It’s not like I got hurt

Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

It’s not like I broke someone’s jaw

It’s not like I broke his bones

Stop being so mad at me

Let it go baby

 

Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

I just had couple of extra drinks

It’s not like I am drunk

Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

It’s not like I robbed a bank

It’s not like I murdered someone

I just had a couple of extra drinks

Baby don’t make such a big deal out of it

 

Song Four

It Is No Longer The Same

 

It’s like nothing is no longer the same

In this good old US of A

Where fast food

Now includes Mexican food

As one of its mainstay

 

It’s like Condoleeza Rice

Cooking fried rice

And it turned out to be

Kung Pao Chicken

In your face

 

It’s like Hindu Food

Served on an airline

And thank God

There was Hare Krishna

To take the kick away

 

It’s like two guy’s

With a Pizza place

Without a girlfriend

Having Hamburger every day

As a saving grace

 

It’s like being in love

With Chicken Quesadilla

And it turned out to be

A Cheesy Burrito

On a very long day

 

It’s like wanting Thai food

On a rainy day and once again

I found myself getting lost

In the confusion

Whether it will be Pad Thai or Satay

 

It’s like Chicken Alfredo

They say that comes

With mushrooms and peas

And yet it turned out to be white sauce

That made the home run again today

 

It’s like House Speaker Ryan O’Neil

Cooking your wedding meal

And the wedding cake

Was five feet tall

And he was on top of it

As both dessert and entree

 

It’s like having Sushi for breakfast

Served by your naked chef

On his rippling chest with wasabi

Instead of blueberry pancakes

 

It’s like going to the movies

And my head went round and round

Because they were serving

Five course meal on a foggy day

 

It’s like coming home

To find your Mom serving popcorn

On your favorite Chocolate flavored

Ice Cream Sundae

 

It’s like going to a buffet

With endless line of tasteless food

And sticker shock that’s like

A tight slap in your face

 

It’s like a night of romance

Of expensive french cuisine

A la carte and cheap wine

To impress a date

 

It’s like coming home

After a very long day

To find your wife of twenty years

Busy smoking cigarettes

And cooking rice a roni on your plate

 

It’s like three wedding and a funeral

And the groom

Serving country fried chicken

And got egged in his face

 

When all I crave

For is all American Soul food

With heart and soul

To make my day

On this cruel ironical day

 

 

Song Five

I’m Out To Kill Some Time

 

White sand

Sunshine

I am out to kill sometime

Why is it such a crime?

It is my day off

I will just take off my top

And feel the sun

And have some fun

 

The day is hot

I need a tequila shot

With the wind in my face

I am ready to say my grace

The water feels cool

I am no fool

The sand feels smooth

It is not like I am in a booth

As the waves hit the coast

I do not want to boast

My heart simply soars

When it hears the roar

The skies are blue

I am completely glued

To the beautiful sight

Where the ocean meets the sky

It is absolutely thrilling

This soothing feeling

As I walk along the beach

Barefoot feeling the breach

Please don’t preach

It’s not a speech

I may be killing time

But it is not a crime

 

White sand

Sunshine

I am out to kill sometime

Why is it such a crime?

It is my day off

I will just take off my top

And feel the sun

And have some fun

 

As I look at the ocean

It sets my heart in motion

It sings a beautiful song

That we should all get along

This life is a lonely place

It will be nice to fill up the empty space

But heart is what it says

I cannot tell it to stay

It has a mind of its own

Why bitch and moan

But it is happy now

Let’s not take a bow

Be still my lonely heart

I am not looking for a cupid’s dart

I am just out to have some fun

It is a great day under the sun

 

White sand

Sunshine

I am out to kill sometime

Why is it such a crime?

It is my day off

I will just take off my top

And feel the sun

And have some fun

 

The sun is shining

I am not whining

Just very thankful

It is so beautiful

To be out on this glorious day

Just tanning away

I am just soaking the sun

While I am still young

Who knows what tomorrow holds

It may be too bold

And I may be left out in the cold

Sunshine always be mine

Don’t care if others don’t give a dime

Life you may be my white dove

Maybe one day I will meet my love

I don’t know what he looks like

But I do hope he owns a bike

And I won’t tell him to take a hike

I feel all warm inside

Do not want to hide

I want to pick up some seashells

But what the hell

I could not find a perfect one

I will have to settle for none

Maybe I will get lucky some other time

Why sulk and whine

Life is about fun

Let’s soak up the sun

 

White sand

Sunshine

I am out to kill sometime

Why is it such a crime?

It is my day off

I will just take off my top

And feel the sun

And have some fun

 

Song Six

Yeah Baby They Say That I Confuse Sex With Love

[Chorus]

 

Baby they say I confuse sex with love

And I say

Whats the big deal anyway

When it feels this way

Baby they say I confuse sex with love

And I say

Whats the big deal anyway

When it feels this way

 

Baby I am no Einstein

But I cannot be the only one

Who has felt this way

 

Baby I am no genius

But I have this strange suspicion

That when God created women

That he had it planned this way

All along anyway

 

[Stanza 1]

 

Baby I am no Einstein

But when it feels so great

Right from the start

And every time

Then why have this age old battle

Between my brain and my heart

When it feels so great anyway

 

Baby I am no genius

But when I hold her tight

And she kisses me back right

Then why fight this fight

About sex and love

Once again tonight

When it feels so right

Anyway

 

Baby my friends call me a whore

for confusing sex with love

And not just a score

But baby I think they are

Just being a bore

When it keeps me there and makes me

Come back for more

Then why not call it that anyway

It’s not like sex and love

Do not belong together anyway

 

[Chorus]

 

[Stanza 2}

 

And baby what exactly is the difference

Between sex and love anyway

When it feels so good

Like it should

Like heaven has smiled upon me

And it feels that way anyway

 

Baby they call her my sex object

And my fascination

But baby all my heads call it love

And the sweetest sensation

And baby I am no Einstein

But I cannot be the only one

Who has felt this way

Anyway

 

And baby when the lines between sex and love

Are so blurred

Whenever I think of her

That it takes no Einstein

To figure this one out

This most sinful sensation

That wants to make me want to shout

Why not just

Call it love anyway

 

Baby I am no Einstein

But I cannot be the only one

Who has felt this way

 

Baby I am no genius

But I have this strange suspicion

That when God created women

That he had it planned this way

All along anyway

 

Song Seven

Baby I Know It Is All My Fault

 

 

When I met you at the reunion

Your one year old marriage was coming apart

And my six month old marriage had gone south

You were still the prettiest girl in town

When you agreed to marry me

That’s when I started worshiping the ground you walked on

When things in our life don’t work out

Why blame you for it

Honey I know it is all my fault

 

 

 

Someone at the front door banging

The little ones as usual screaming

Our teenage daughter lost in space dreaming

A call I had to take and the phone ringing

You were in the middle of painting your toenails so you could not get there

Why blame you for it

Honey I know it is all my fault

 

 

 

The cable guy three hours late but is finally here

The neighbor wanting to borrow the hedge clippers

The Fedex guy with a package delivery gone haywire

I know your mom was on the phone so you could not get there

My life as usual a beautiful satire

Why blame you for it

Honey I know it is all my fault

 

 

 

The flight is late and the connecting flight we could not get on

The room with a sticker shock we had not bargained for

Room service food more expensive than the flight we were on

Our rich daughter that tipped twenty dollars to the room service boy

I know it is your time off with not a care on

Why blame you for it

Honey I know it is all my fault

 

 

 

It’s not your fault you have a headache again

That expensive bottle of wine you have every night brings it on

Once again no sex tonight it’s something I no more complain about

The air conditioning at full blast again turning the room into a war zone

You once again wanting to sleep with the lights on

I just want to get to my side of bed without a fight on

Why blame you for it

Honey I know it is all my fault

 

 

 

When I met you at the reunion

Your one year old marriage was coming apart

And my six month old marriage had gone south

You were still the prettiest girl in town

When you agreed to marry me

That’s when I started worshiping the ground you walked on

When things in our life don’t work out

Why blame you for it

Honey I know it is all my fault

 

Song Eight

It’s How You Make Me Feel

 

[Stanza 1]

 

All I want from you is sex

Why do you have to bring up my past?

And want to talk about my ex

If I liked my ex

Don’t you think I would have stayed married to that hex?

Now which part of this still confuses you sweetheart?

I did set it straight for you from the very start

It is not about your fortune or your fame

It is about how you make me feel

And I do not feel ashamed

What’s love got to do with it in the first place?

When we both know it can easily be replaced

It is not like you and I are meant to be together forever

It’s just that when you hold me in your arms

You give me the fever

Let’s grab moments of happiness from this life

After all who has seen tomorrow?

And why take a hike

Let’s live life to the fullest with you by my side

And together let’s make happiness our beautiful ride

 

[Stanza 2]

 

Baby life is too short

Baby life is too hard

Why waste a moment

When together we can make it rock

Stay with me

After all what have you got to lose

It’s not life comes with guarantees

Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose

Life should not be about being used or getting abused

Love as we all know is a game in which we all lose

Let me show you what life can be

After all you never know it could be about you and me

Let’s hold each others hand

And together let’s take the dive

To this beautiful world of happiness

That has been waiting for us for a long time

 

Song Nine

Baby The Way You Move

 

[Chorus]

 

Baby Baby I am burning

Baby Baby I am drowning

Baby Baby what is this hold you have over me

Baby Baby please come closer and set me free

 

[Stanza 1]

 

Baby Baby the way you move it

Baby Baby the way you groove it

Baby how is my heart supposed to take it

Baby it aches for you please do not break it

Baby when you stroke it and shake it

Baby you absolutely awaken it and I cannot fake it

 

[Chorus]

 

Baby Baby I am burning

Baby Baby I am drowning

Baby Baby what is this hold you have over me

Baby Baby please come closer and set me free

 

[Stanza 2]

 

Baby Baby when my lips touch your lips I’m on fire

Baby Baby it is pleasure intense and sweet desire

Baby you make me perspire

Baby it feels like the forces of nature have conspired

Baby my mind and body is in strange quagmire

Baby I’m completely consumed and you are what it requires

 

[Chorus]

 

Baby Baby I am burning

Baby Baby I am drowning

Baby Baby what is this hold you have over me

Baby Baby please come closer and set me free

 

[Stanza 3]

 

Baby Baby the way you make me groan

Baby Baby the way you make me moan

Baby it has a mind of its own

Baby it transports me to a cosmic zone

Baby I know I am not in this alone

Baby my mind absolutely gets blown

 

[Chorus]

 

Baby Baby I am burning

Baby Baby I am drowning

Baby Baby what is this hold you have over me

Baby Baby please come closer and set me free

 

[Stanza 4]

 

Baby Baby the way you feel takes me to the top

Baby Baby let’s take it slow and hard please do not stop

Baby I want to keep on going my breath you absolutely knock

Baby this feeling inside of me that you unlock

Baby this feeling in my cock

Baby you completely make my world rock

 

[Chorus]

 

Baby Baby I am burning

Baby Baby I am drowning

Baby Baby what is this hold you have over me

Baby Baby please come closer and set me free

 

Song Ten

This World Belongs To Me

 

O is this world upside down

Or am I having a meltdown

I don’t want to go back

So cut me some slack

All I want to do is kiss you inside out

And I don’t care if the whole world finds out

 

I just want to fly high

Let’s soar the skies

This world is all mine

I just want to shine

Just give me a sign

I hope I am not out of line

This beautiful dream of mine

That I cannot define

This world finally belongs to me

I feel I can fly so set me free

This beautiful song in my head

Has finally become a reality thread

 

O is this world upside down

Or am I having a meltdown

I don’t want to go back

So cut me some slack

All I want to do is kiss you inside out

And I don’t care if the whole world finds out

 

God has finally smiled upon me

All I want to do is be free

Love finally you are here

And I am in top gear

All the lines have blurred

And my soul is stirred

These azure skies beckon me

And this is my ardent plea

Don’t ever leave me

I will do anything for you don’t you see

This sweet sensation in my heart

Is like a cupid’s dart

 

O is this world upside down

Or am I having a meltdown

I don’t want to go back

So cut me some slack

All I want to do is kiss you inside out

And I don’t care if the whole world finds out

 

Where have you been all my life

The way I feel for you is so divine

It’s like destiny was etched in black and white

Eighty long years ago which I no longer can fight

So what things no longer seem the same

I own the world and know the game

I didn’t know opposites could attract quite like this

You are my dearest wish

With you by my side

I have nothing to hide

This world is finally mine

Along with this beautiful skyline

 

O is this world upside down

Or am I having a meltdown

I don’t want to go back

So cut me some slack

All I want to do is kiss you inside out

And I don’t care if the whole world finds out

 

My dreams and reality are so entwined

Like the blue skies meeting the coastline

I am no genius that’s for sure

Neither am I poor

This world is not just an allure

A dream turned into reality

Which is no lure

When my heart and head knows for sure

This blissful feeling that is so pure

This world belongs to me

And I belong to you dear

Let’s together soar the skies until the end comes near

 

O is this world upside down

Or am I having a meltdown

I don’t want to go back

So cut me some slack

All I want to do is kiss you inside out

And I don’t care if the whole world finds out

 

 

 

 

 

 

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