My Funny Numbers In Lyrics
Song One
Few Good Friends Of Mine - Rum, Gin And Wine
[Chorus]
Let me tell you this story
About life’s little mystery
About few good friends of mine
You may think they are swine
But their power you cannot undermine
They always make me happy
And they always make me smile
They are beer, gin, vodka, tequila
Scotch, rum and wine
Now put them all together
And what’s is not to like about this motherfucker
And it makes one mean drink this sucker
And what’s not to like about this motherfucker
They never abandon me
In good times or bad
They are always there for me
Whether I am happy or sad
They are always there for me
Come rain or shine
They are always there for me
Come rain or shine
All these true friends of mine
Who never abandon me
Come rain or shine
All these true friends of mine
Who never abandon me
Come rain or shine
[Stanza]
The star that really shines
Is that all intoxicating glass of wine
With them I am never out of line
And they always give me the time
And this is no crime
When it makes me feel so fine
And when they are inside of me
I am on cloud nine
Won’t you please stay
And just be mine
One tall glass of cold smooth beer
Things are no longer fuzzy
And everything becomes clear
It always fills me with cheer
After I have had one
I am in top gear
And I have no fear
Won’t you please be a dear
And tell all my friends and buddies
You are my man of the year
A shot of good old tequila
Always goes well with my hookah
Somebody please go tell that bitch Sheila
She is the only game in town
And a looker
I really miss that bitch from hell
Didn’t you know ya
Somebody please go tell that bitch Sheila
I really miss that bitch from hell
Didn’t you know ya
When I am with my trusted friend gin
I never know where I have been
It always takes me on a spin
Why does it always taste like sin
Sometimes I think it is my evil twin
Maybe because it makes me feel like Led Zeppelin
It’s not like I am a fuckin Lenin
It’s not like I am a fuckin Lenin
Then there is always the unassuming Absolut vodka
It puts me on full salute
And takes me closer to Kama Sutra
You decide whether it makes me cobra or cheetah
O my precious diva
How about you and I
For a long time now
I have wanted to meet ya
How about you and I
Get down and rumba
A tall glass of sweet cola and rum
And I have no choice but to agree with Lord Byron
Because I do feel it is my true religion
You may think it makes me dumb
But I did not come out of an ashram
Think what you may
I will never be yours handsome
Even if I am lonesome
Think what you may
I will never be yours handsome
This good old glass of scotch
It always makes my world rock
Because it takes me on a glorious high Sherlock
And do not mock
And do not read too much into this
And do not get shocked
This is no idle talk
It is always great times
When it’s me and my buddy scotch
[Chorus]
Now put them all together
And it makes one mean drink
And then what’s not to like about this motherfucker
And it makes one mean drink
And then what’s not to like about this motherfucker
All these true friends of mine
Who never abandon me
Come rain or shine
All these true friends of mine
Who never abandon me
Come rain or shine
Song Two
Bitch Why Did You Leave Me
[Chorus]
Bitch you don’t know this
But I loved you very much
And we were supposed to see
Life’s highs and lows
And grow old together
Now I am all alone
Eating frozen dinners
[Stanza 1]
Bitch you said
I didn’t treat you right
But didn’t you always
Start the fight
Bitch you said I cheated on you
But bitch did that mean
You had to change all the locks
You shrew
Bitch you said
I was not good in bed
But bitch did everyone around us
Needed to know this
Bitch you left me
You said I robbed you of your dignity
But what you did not have in first place
Bitch what loss
[Stanza 2]
Bitch you said I was never around
But did that mean
You had to be mean
To my fuckin mother
And say she was sleeping around
Bitch you said I was always complaining
Was it too bad
I wanted a threesome
With your best friend you fuckin freakin
Bitch you said I did not pay attention to you
But bitch the way you talked non stop
I sometimes had to tune out
Just so you know
Bitch you always said
I was a mean son of a bitch
But bitch did you always have to
Bring my fuckin family into the middle
Of everything
[Stanza 3]
Bitch you said
I did not make enough money
But bitch did you have to assume
I shirked all my responsibilities
Bitch you said my friends were too loud
But bitch did you have to
Cheat with my best friend
To make a point
Bitch you said
I was not good at communication
But did that mean
You had to ruin my
Fuckin reunion
Bitch you said
I drank too much
But bitch with you in my life
Did I have a choice
[Stanza 4]
Bitch you said
Nothing I did was good enough
I wish that son of a bitch father of yours
Had fucked you
And shut you up
Bitch you always said that
I did not look good
But did that mean
You had to pick all my clothes
From underwear to my shoes
Bitch you said that
I stayed out too long
But bitch did that mean
You could burn all my clothes
Because of your hate for me
You devil’s own
Bitch you said
I did not pitch in
Bitch why don’t you
Pick up a pitch fork
And dive right head in
Song Three
It’s Not Like I am Drunk
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
I just had couple of extra drinks
It’s not like I am drunk
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
It’s not like I robbed a bank
It’s not like I murdered someone
I just had a couple of extra drinks
Baby don’t make such a big deal out of it
Why are you so mad at me?
I know I am a little late
I got delayed at the bar a little
Had a very rough day at work
I just wanted to drown my sorrows for a while
I wanted to forget my worries
I know you were waiting for me
I did not forget about us
Let it go baby
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
I just had couple of extra drinks
It’s not like I am drunk
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
It’s not like I robbed a bank
It’s not like I murdered someone
I just had a couple of extra drinks
Baby don’t make such a big deal out of it
Baby be a little understanding
Do understand what I am going through
It was not the drink that drew me to the bar
I just wanted to hang out with my buddies for a while
That is why I was there
While I was there I decided to get couple of drinks
Just wanted to hang loose
Just wanted to drown my sorrows
I did not forget about us
I know I am a little late
Let it go baby
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
I just had couple of extra drinks
It’s not like I am drunk
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
It’s not like I robbed a bank
It’s not like I murdered someone
I just had a couple of extra drinks
Baby don’t make such a big deal out of it
Stop being so mad at me
I really had a very rough day
Things just did not go my way today
I hate when that happens
I did not mean for this to happen
It’s not my fault that things turned out this way
I just needed to get away from it all
I just needed to feel centered again
I was not even planning on going to the bar
But really had a lousy day
Wanted to forget about it all
Let go it baby
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
I just had couple of extra drinks
It’s not like I am drunk
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
It’s not like I robbed a bank
It’s not like I murdered someone
I just had a couple of extra drinks
Baby don’t make such a big deal out of it
Stop being so mad at me
I know things got a little out of hand at the bar
I did not mean it to happen
I did not mean for things to get out of control
It’s not like I got hurt
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
It’s not like I broke someone’s jaw
It’s not like I broke his bones
Stop being so mad at me
Let it go baby
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
I just had couple of extra drinks
It’s not like I am drunk
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
It’s not like I robbed a bank
It’s not like I murdered someone
I just had a couple of extra drinks
Baby don’t make such a big deal out of it
Song Four
It Is No Longer The Same
It’s like nothing is no longer the same
In this good old US of A
Where fast food
Now includes Mexican food
As one of its mainstay
It’s like Condoleeza Rice
Cooking fried rice
And it turned out to be
Kung Pao Chicken
In your face
It’s like Hindu Food
Served on an airline
And thank God
There was Hare Krishna
To take the kick away
It’s like two guy’s
With a Pizza place
Without a girlfriend
Having Hamburger every day
As a saving grace
It’s like being in love
With Chicken Quesadilla
And it turned out to be
A Cheesy Burrito
On a very long day
It’s like wanting Thai food
On a rainy day and once again
I found myself getting lost
In the confusion
Whether it will be Pad Thai or Satay
It’s like Chicken Alfredo
They say that comes
With mushrooms and peas
And yet it turned out to be white sauce
That made the home run again today
It’s like House Speaker Ryan O’Neil
Cooking your wedding meal
And the wedding cake
Was five feet tall
And he was on top of it
As both dessert and entree
It’s like having Sushi for breakfast
Served by your naked chef
On his rippling chest with wasabi
Instead of blueberry pancakes
It’s like going to the movies
And my head went round and round
Because they were serving
Five course meal on a foggy day
It’s like coming home
To find your Mom serving popcorn
On your favorite Chocolate flavored
Ice Cream Sundae
It’s like going to a buffet
With endless line of tasteless food
And sticker shock that’s like
A tight slap in your face
It’s like a night of romance
Of expensive french cuisine
A la carte and cheap wine
To impress a date
It’s like coming home
After a very long day
To find your wife of twenty years
Busy smoking cigarettes
And cooking rice a roni on your plate
It’s like three wedding and a funeral
And the groom
Serving country fried chicken
And got egged in his face
When all I crave
For is all American Soul food
With heart and soul
To make my day
On this cruel ironical day
Song Five
I’m Out To Kill Some Time
White sand
Sunshine
I am out to kill sometime
Why is it such a crime?
It is my day off
I will just take off my top
And feel the sun
And have some fun
The day is hot
I need a tequila shot
With the wind in my face
I am ready to say my grace
The water feels cool
I am no fool
The sand feels smooth
It is not like I am in a booth
As the waves hit the coast
I do not want to boast
My heart simply soars
When it hears the roar
The skies are blue
I am completely glued
To the beautiful sight
Where the ocean meets the sky
It is absolutely thrilling
This soothing feeling
As I walk along the beach
Barefoot feeling the breach
Please don’t preach
It’s not a speech
I may be killing time
But it is not a crime
White sand
Sunshine
I am out to kill sometime
Why is it such a crime?
It is my day off
I will just take off my top
And feel the sun
And have some fun
As I look at the ocean
It sets my heart in motion
It sings a beautiful song
That we should all get along
This life is a lonely place
It will be nice to fill up the empty space
But heart is what it says
I cannot tell it to stay
It has a mind of its own
Why bitch and moan
But it is happy now
Let’s not take a bow
Be still my lonely heart
I am not looking for a cupid’s dart
I am just out to have some fun
It is a great day under the sun
White sand
Sunshine
I am out to kill sometime
Why is it such a crime?
It is my day off
I will just take off my top
And feel the sun
And have some fun
The sun is shining
I am not whining
Just very thankful
It is so beautiful
To be out on this glorious day
Just tanning away
I am just soaking the sun
While I am still young
Who knows what tomorrow holds
It may be too bold
And I may be left out in the cold
Sunshine always be mine
Don’t care if others don’t give a dime
Life you may be my white dove
Maybe one day I will meet my love
I don’t know what he looks like
But I do hope he owns a bike
And I won’t tell him to take a hike
I feel all warm inside
Do not want to hide
I want to pick up some seashells
But what the hell
I could not find a perfect one
I will have to settle for none
Maybe I will get lucky some other time
Why sulk and whine
Life is about fun
Let’s soak up the sun
White sand
Sunshine
I am out to kill sometime
Why is it such a crime?
It is my day off
I will just take off my top
And feel the sun
And have some fun
Song Six
Yeah Baby They Say That I Confuse Sex With Love
[Chorus]
Baby they say I confuse sex with love
And I say
Whats the big deal anyway
When it feels this way
Baby they say I confuse sex with love
And I say
Whats the big deal anyway
When it feels this way
Baby I am no Einstein
But I cannot be the only one
Who has felt this way
Baby I am no genius
But I have this strange suspicion
That when God created women
That he had it planned this way
All along anyway
[Stanza 1]
Baby I am no Einstein
But when it feels so great
Right from the start
And every time
Then why have this age old battle
Between my brain and my heart
When it feels so great anyway
Baby I am no genius
But when I hold her tight
And she kisses me back right
Then why fight this fight
About sex and love
Once again tonight
When it feels so right
Anyway
Baby my friends call me a whore
for confusing sex with love
And not just a score
But baby I think they are
Just being a bore
When it keeps me there and makes me
Come back for more
Then why not call it that anyway
It’s not like sex and love
Do not belong together anyway
[Chorus]
[Stanza 2}
And baby what exactly is the difference
Between sex and love anyway
When it feels so good
Like it should
Like heaven has smiled upon me
And it feels that way anyway
Baby they call her my sex object
And my fascination
But baby all my heads call it love
And the sweetest sensation
And baby I am no Einstein
But I cannot be the only one
Who has felt this way
Anyway
And baby when the lines between sex and love
Are so blurred
Whenever I think of her
That it takes no Einstein
To figure this one out
This most sinful sensation
That wants to make me want to shout
Why not just
Call it love anyway
Baby I am no Einstein
But I cannot be the only one
Who has felt this way
Baby I am no genius
But I have this strange suspicion
That when God created women
That he had it planned this way
All along anyway
Song Seven
Baby I Know It Is All My Fault
When I met you at the reunion
Your one year old marriage was coming apart
And my six month old marriage had gone south
You were still the prettiest girl in town
When you agreed to marry me
That’s when I started worshiping the ground you walked on
When things in our life don’t work out
Why blame you for it
Honey I know it is all my fault
Someone at the front door banging
The little ones as usual screaming
Our teenage daughter lost in space dreaming
A call I had to take and the phone ringing
You were in the middle of painting your toenails so you could not get there
Why blame you for it
Honey I know it is all my fault
The cable guy three hours late but is finally here
The neighbor wanting to borrow the hedge clippers
The Fedex guy with a package delivery gone haywire
I know your mom was on the phone so you could not get there
My life as usual a beautiful satire
Why blame you for it
Honey I know it is all my fault
The flight is late and the connecting flight we could not get on
The room with a sticker shock we had not bargained for
Room service food more expensive than the flight we were on
Our rich daughter that tipped twenty dollars to the room service boy
I know it is your time off with not a care on
Why blame you for it
Honey I know it is all my fault
It’s not your fault you have a headache again
That expensive bottle of wine you have every night brings it on
Once again no sex tonight it’s something I no more complain about
The air conditioning at full blast again turning the room into a war zone
You once again wanting to sleep with the lights on
I just want to get to my side of bed without a fight on
Why blame you for it
Honey I know it is all my fault
When I met you at the reunion
Your one year old marriage was coming apart
And my six month old marriage had gone south
You were still the prettiest girl in town
When you agreed to marry me
That’s when I started worshiping the ground you walked on
When things in our life don’t work out
Why blame you for it
Honey I know it is all my fault
Song Eight
It’s How You Make Me Feel
[Stanza 1]
All I want from you is sex
Why do you have to bring up my past?
And want to talk about my ex
If I liked my ex
Don’t you think I would have stayed married to that hex?
Now which part of this still confuses you sweetheart?
I did set it straight for you from the very start
It is not about your fortune or your fame
It is about how you make me feel
And I do not feel ashamed
What’s love got to do with it in the first place?
When we both know it can easily be replaced
It is not like you and I are meant to be together forever
It’s just that when you hold me in your arms
You give me the fever
Let’s grab moments of happiness from this life
After all who has seen tomorrow?
And why take a hike
Let’s live life to the fullest with you by my side
And together let’s make happiness our beautiful ride
[Stanza 2]
Baby life is too short
Baby life is too hard
Why waste a moment
When together we can make it rock
Stay with me
After all what have you got to lose
It’s not life comes with guarantees
Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose
Life should not be about being used or getting abused
Love as we all know is a game in which we all lose
Let me show you what life can be
After all you never know it could be about you and me
Let’s hold each others hand
And together let’s take the dive
To this beautiful world of happiness
That has been waiting for us for a long time
Song Nine
Baby The Way You Move
[Chorus]
Baby Baby I am burning
Baby Baby I am drowning
Baby Baby what is this hold you have over me
Baby Baby please come closer and set me free
[Stanza 1]
Baby Baby the way you move it
Baby Baby the way you groove it
Baby how is my heart supposed to take it
Baby it aches for you please do not break it
Baby when you stroke it and shake it
Baby you absolutely awaken it and I cannot fake it
[Chorus]
Baby Baby I am burning
Baby Baby I am drowning
Baby Baby what is this hold you have over me
Baby Baby please come closer and set me free
[Stanza 2]
Baby Baby when my lips touch your lips I’m on fire
Baby Baby it is pleasure intense and sweet desire
Baby you make me perspire
Baby it feels like the forces of nature have conspired
Baby my mind and body is in strange quagmire
Baby I’m completely consumed and you are what it requires
[Chorus]
Baby Baby I am burning
Baby Baby I am drowning
Baby Baby what is this hold you have over me
Baby Baby please come closer and set me free
[Stanza 3]
Baby Baby the way you make me groan
Baby Baby the way you make me moan
Baby it has a mind of its own
Baby it transports me to a cosmic zone
Baby I know I am not in this alone
Baby my mind absolutely gets blown
[Chorus]
Baby Baby I am burning
Baby Baby I am drowning
Baby Baby what is this hold you have over me
Baby Baby please come closer and set me free
[Stanza 4]
Baby Baby the way you feel takes me to the top
Baby Baby let’s take it slow and hard please do not stop
Baby I want to keep on going my breath you absolutely knock
Baby this feeling inside of me that you unlock
Baby this feeling in my cock
Baby you completely make my world rock
[Chorus]
Baby Baby I am burning
Baby Baby I am drowning
Baby Baby what is this hold you have over me
Baby Baby please come closer and set me free
Song Ten
This World Belongs To Me
O is this world upside down
Or am I having a meltdown
I don’t want to go back
So cut me some slack
All I want to do is kiss you inside out
And I don’t care if the whole world finds out
I just want to fly high
Let’s soar the skies
This world is all mine
I just want to shine
Just give me a sign
I hope I am not out of line
This beautiful dream of mine
That I cannot define
This world finally belongs to me
I feel I can fly so set me free
This beautiful song in my head
Has finally become a reality thread
O is this world upside down
Or am I having a meltdown
I don’t want to go back
So cut me some slack
All I want to do is kiss you inside out
And I don’t care if the whole world finds out
God has finally smiled upon me
All I want to do is be free
Love finally you are here
And I am in top gear
All the lines have blurred
And my soul is stirred
These azure skies beckon me
And this is my ardent plea
Don’t ever leave me
I will do anything for you don’t you see
This sweet sensation in my heart
Is like a cupid’s dart
O is this world upside down
Or am I having a meltdown
I don’t want to go back
So cut me some slack
All I want to do is kiss you inside out
And I don’t care if the whole world finds out
Where have you been all my life
The way I feel for you is so divine
It’s like destiny was etched in black and white
Eighty long years ago which I no longer can fight
So what things no longer seem the same
I own the world and know the game
I didn’t know opposites could attract quite like this
You are my dearest wish
With you by my side
I have nothing to hide
This world is finally mine
Along with this beautiful skyline
O is this world upside down
Or am I having a meltdown
I don’t want to go back
So cut me some slack
All I want to do is kiss you inside out
And I don’t care if the whole world finds out
My dreams and reality are so entwined
Like the blue skies meeting the coastline
I am no genius that’s for sure
Neither am I poor
This world is not just an allure
A dream turned into reality
Which is no lure
When my heart and head knows for sure
This blissful feeling that is so pure
This world belongs to me
And I belong to you dear
Let’s together soar the skies until the end comes near
O is this world upside down
Or am I having a meltdown
I don’t want to go back
So cut me some slack
All I want to do is kiss you inside out
And I don’t care if the whole world finds out