It hurt to be alone
So I smiled and talked
Never thinking on my own
Being told it’s ok to be laughed at
And be the clown of my home.
I didn’t know why I was told
“I hate you”
I thought I was doing good
Hitting others and punching too
So I didn’t understand why
My sister came back with no lover
And mom cried over someone I never knew.
I got scolded for saying no
So I stayed quiet and alone.
Tired of fighting and wanting to know
Burying in books to feel all grown.
I was given shelter in the land of make believe
Of cartoons and games, and even music too
I found myself following a trail of creation
Down a rabbit hole of communities
Where characters become anew
Themselves becoming the foundation
Of something so new
I got worse and worse when time slipped by
The only comfort I had were my mind and the beats
I felt like I drowned deeper and deeper
In lies of hatred and loneliness
I improved on my drawings
To make them live
Hoping someday I knew what to do
Then I found him, the sweetheart of my life
He told me to stop and to find myself
Like a lost puppy I followed him
Giving me sweet words and helping me change
I still hide behind books and beats,
With my only connection being my imagination
But I know myself more than I ever did
And the pain washed away when I needed it to.