My Permanent Roommate

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I didn't ask you to come into my life,
Yet here you are.
Looking for someone to wreck,
You found me.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw you
Break down the door.
By then it was too late,
You had me on my knees.
You pointed the gun to my head and said
"Deal with it,"
And so I did.
And I do,
every day.

I will never forgive you for changing me,
My thoughts,
My body,
My life.
They say, "Make peace,"
But I cannot make peace with the one who ruined me.

There are many foul beasts in this world, Anxiety,
but you can take the cake if you makes you happy.
I just want you out of my life.
I want to be able to go to the theatre again,
The park again,
School again,
Without fearing the worst.
I don't want to depend on someone always being present
So that they can dial 911
If you decide to grip my lungs
and keep me from breathing.

I abhor you, 
you pest.
I hate what you have done to me,
What you will always do to me.
I hate that I can't get rid of you,
That I have to learn to live with you.
My permanent roommate.

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