I don't want to feel right now. I don't want to think. I don't want to see.

I don't want to have to scrape hard to find my reality.

 

I want to be right. I don't want to do wrong.

But I especially do not want to be torn.

 

I want to be numb. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being fired before I've even been hired.

I want to succeed, but how and by who's definition of success?

 

I feel slighted by the things that have me delighted,

But I'm stuck between a rock and what I've plighted. 

 

I don't want to hear. I don't want to smell.

I don't want any sensory operations that only would tell.

 

I want to give up, but I know I can't.

I don't want a downhill spiral that I have no power to recant.

 

I want to be happy. I want to be self sufficient,

But I know this road will try me by way of hurdles that are reprovisioned.

 

I am a lover, and a fighter: a do-er, not a try-er.

I don't want to mechanize a defense.

 

I don't want to sit on this fence and not know which way to lean.

I want a balance of the sorts in between.

 

I know they say lead me not,

But I know it's not a temptation.

 

Having fallen short of the glory,

But somehow not of God has me held in contempt.

 

I don't want to refrain from telling my story. I don't want to be left

Mentally wasted imploringly.

 

I don't want to wish. I want to seek.

I don't want fatality in the reality of where I peek.

 

I want no stone left unturned in my efforts beseeched...

 

I find myself sometimes alone, head held in hand.

Sick to my stomach.

 

Emotionally regorged time and time again...

 

I don't want to see. I don't want to hear.

I don't want to smell the disgust of a heart rotting near.

 

I don't want to feel negated. I don't want to care.

I don't want to want what can never be fair.