"No." A Letter To My Ex.

 

You were my best friend

Or at least I'd like to pretend

But i guess every story has two sides

I remember that morning you were more than just my friend,

Forget that because i'm already screaming “I'm in love, I'm in love”

I invade your existence

Time flies, there goes 6 months and we have our first kiss and what did i miss because now your hands are on my hips, all i wanted was a kiss.

But you say you love me so it must be alright.

Isn't it funny how three words can can turn a frown upside down

But that never changed my mind

Because my silence doesn't mean yes and my no doesn't mean keep trying

And now you're tearing at my binding.

But you love me, it's ok.

 

I shower trying to scrub all of you off

Your hands leave imprints that cannot be lost

But with the weight of your words will break my soggy ribs

And tear through my burnt lungs

You take pride in my tears.

 

Why did you do this?

But you love me it's ok

So ill let you do it one more time until i realize i can't feed your endless hunger, not for me, but for my body. But you love me it's ok

 

I think to myself “i can fix him”

But how can you learn fix someone when you are just as broken?

Trying to be a sacrificial lamb on the altar of his rage

And i'll tell you sorry like is a greeting

Ill let you decreed my life until there is no more but a crumb

 

All my friends say “leave him, leave him”

But maybe i need you like the earth needs the sun to see another day

And maybe you'll come to me one more time with the same “ i love you”

And maybe one day i'll learn to be strong enough to say no

But i don't think no is in your fierce vocabulary

Because the last time i told you that little word you removed it from my mouth

And buried it deep where i can no longer find it.

Just as you took the key to my heart i guess you could say

you lost that along time ago, but which one? My heart or the key?

 

And now i'm just waiting for that time to pass by

When your white little lies become more than just fruit flies

But then they are a stinging wasp tearing into the flesh of my innocence

But every “i'm sorry, i love you” overpowers every shove and and scream

This feels like something you'd see on a a theatres screen

You didn't like my friends

Now you're threatening me with your life to an end

Up with the bottle and down with the beer

I know this scene ends with fear.

 

I was looking for a hand to hold but you were looking for a body to use like a ragdoll.

With sewn lips and button eyes i follow you blindly with a smile not knowing what was feet ahead. No this isn't a brave face, this isn't a brave face, this is a mask.

So with that said, no.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
Our world

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