NORMAL

What is normal?In the womb,I was God’s perfect creation,His treasured possession,Fearfully and wonderfully made.When I was born,The doctor cried out:It’s a girl!As they rushed me down the hall to NICU.When I was in kindergarten they told us to stand in two linesBoys and girlsThey had competitionsBoys vs girlsNever questioning that the world is black and whiteNever questioning that some of us could be bothBoys and girlsOr neitherBoy nor girlIn the middleOr with no genderOr even transgenderAt 5 years old we didn’t know any betterWe thought we were weird if we feltDifferent than what we were told to feelBecause that was what was normalIn middle schoolI began to wonderAm I normal?I like girls the way boys doI like girls the way girls are supposed to like boysI never knew that girls could like girlsOr boys could like boysI never knew that there was other options besidesBoys and girlsMales and femalesIn 7th grade I fell in love with my best friendI never told her thoughBecause by this point I knewThat meant I was gayAnd being gay is a sinAnd that surely I was going to hellI thought that if I just hid this part of meIt would all go awayAnd I could be normal9th grade I finally came outBut not all the wayTelling everyone I was biThey said that was okayI responded with a sighSo liking both is okayBut being myself?Liking only one?Liking the one thing I can’t have?That was far from okay.“Why is bi okay but gay is not”Because being curious is normal they saidAs a college freshman,I admitted I was never biI broke the Kinsey scale The scale of 1 to 101 means you’re straight5 means you’re bi10 means you’re gayBut what happens when you feel like an 11?This isn’t normalSophomore yearIn tearsI see that quite clearI think I am non-binaryNeither girl nor boyStanding in the middle of those two linesTerrified of what I feel insideWhat does this mean for my sexuality?It is obvious to me that I can’t be gay or straight.Straight is liking the oppositeGay is liking the same.If I have no genderHow can I like the opposite gender?Or the same gender?I am just a person.A person who likes women.And that is normal for me.

 

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This poem is about: 
Me
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