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Best Friends. That was what we were at first.  And sometimes I wished that’s all we were.

But it’s too late now.

You made me laugh like no one else could. You gave me butterflies like no one else would.

You saw something in me that even I didn't see. You gave me something I never knew I could feel. Love.

But it’s all gone now

Sitting in class together we couldn't stop talking and smiling at each other. That’s how I knew it was different.

The day I asked you for your number was the day my life changed forever. As soon as I got home, I picked up the phone to call you but I hesitated. I was scared. Of what? I didn't know if you would think it was weird for me to call you this fast. I didn't know why I felt butterflies at the thought of calling you.

But those feelings are gone now

That summer we talked every single day, morning to night. We talked about everything and I told you things I couldn't even tell myself. The feelings I was having was not like a feeling I had for anyone before. I was in love with you

I still am now

The day I told you my life changed even more for the better. You loved me too. There was only one thing “weird” about it. We were the same sex.  So we hid.

I’m done hiding now.

For two years we hid our love. Although it was hidden, it was the best two years of my life. Without a single kiss to the lips or any sexual touch for two years straight I felt more connected to you than the gentle breeze that touched our bodies as we hugged, tight, as though we never wanted to let go of each other.

I’d give anything to just hug you now.

Every day we would hug each other goodbye, the best moment of each day for me.  My love for you was unconditional. I would have broken through walls for you. I would've jumped in front of a train for you. Did everything and anything I could for you, because I loved you more than I loved myself.

I still do now

You were my best friend, the sun of my earth, the light in my day, the heart to my aching body. You were my life.

But that’s all different now.

I know what tore us apart was society. The idea that two women cannot love each other like a man and a woman could. But that’s not true. We loved, we cried, we felt. We hurt, like any other heterosexual couple. We were just a different type of love. But you didn't see it that way.

And you still do not now.

I know you were scared of what the world would've thought about us, which is why it never worked out. But I want you to know when I look at the sun, when I feel the gentle breeze brush against my check. As I sit on the same bed you cuddled with me in. I still love you.

I always will now

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. But I know it’s time to move on. Lord knows I want nothing more but to wake up and this be a nightmare. Lord knows I want nothing more but to hear your gentle knock against my door. I want nothing more but to open the door, see your beautiful face, and kiss you for the first time.

But I can’t now

Like many people we let society tell us what’s right and what’s wrong. But there is nothing wrong with love. Love is love. And what we had was love. So why is it that you don’t seem to see that? Right. This world we live in twists our minds up into a big ball of what they want us to think, say and do. But I am here to tell you baby. I am here to tell the whole world that I am done listening to the world. I will do what I want, when I want, how I want it. I will do what my heart wants me do, whether that is love a woman or a man.

I just hope one day you do the same.

 

 

 

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khloejanel

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