Nurture

Location

My broken family
Started break, break, breaking
With broken blood vessels under the tearless eyes
Of the woman I called mama.
Four years, maybe 37 inches,
As short as his temper.
Schizophrenic menace,
Eyes wide, voice heavy 
With the frustration.
An icicle on the heart,
And she hated the cold, 
California native
Searching for sunnier days.
She left, 
Pulled me along 
through the forests
Of fizzled love
And Kelly clarkson songs
On the radio in her Mazda.
Child of separation,
Anxiety-ridden,
Tell me I am wrong for cowering 
Away from men.
A spider
Skittering out from the shadow
Of a falling foot,
8 eyes of distrust.
Hiding behind books;
In pipe dreams
Of contentment.
Crush me in a fistful of child support notices.
Flush me, 
I am a nuisance.
Drown me in obedient fear,
Swirling into adolescence
With the memory 
Of digging fingertips 
Into the meat on my bones.
"Please don't touch me."
Voicemails to remind daddy
It's my birthday.
It's likely he won't call back.
Abandonment issues
The fragility
Of a brittle self-esteem
And a mouth full of negativity
One day, I will say what I mean,
Necrosis.
You will reap what you sowed:
The seeds of family 
In 18 years of droughts
Crops wilting and yellowed now.
Shelter for the recluse.
 

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