OCD
I have anxiety
Well not just any anxiety see I have OCD
I cannot seem to function when i feel things are not in order
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My thoughts aren’t what they used to be
When I was younger all the cares I had were so mediocre yet they seemed to matter to me so much more than the average kid
I was in the gifted program and apart of that was playing chess
I always had to have the black pieces
I always moved my pawns first
Protect the king at all cost
Bishops diagonal
Knights L shape
Rooks horizontal
Queen moves anywhere everywhere
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My mind moves everywhere
I’m always thinking of worst case scenario
I can’t sit in front of people
Their mumbling my mind can easily mistake for sneak dissing and although sitting in the back completely hinders my ability to see I can’t seem to find the courage to just just move up
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Always think ten steps ahead
Don’t let them get the best of you
Mistakes are unacceptable
Keep a clear head
Don’t let them get to your king
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I’m also claustrophobic
If I cannot stretch my arms out into my fingertips and spin around without touching anything I freeze
I sweat
I hyperventilate
Inhale exhale inhale exhale inhale exhale
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Breathe
Everything has a place on my desk
Notebook centered as much as possible
Pencil on right hand side because your right handed Mari stop writing in all caps
You can’t do that in college
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Who knew a person with OCD could fall in love
I treat my relationships as if they are projects
As if the person isn’t merely a person more like a puzzle to solve and the only reason that They last long is cause their a hard ass puzzle
But then there’s the easy ones that I just drop because my mind moves faster than I can handle
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I’m patiently waiting for my opponents move
My teachers foot is tapping
I wonder what I’m having for dinner
I’m fine with whatever as long as it doesn’t touch
Eat the least favorite first
Only mix what is meant to be mixed
Oh shit you lost focus what did your opponent move
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I don’t feel comfortable if my room door isn’t closed all the way
Even the slightest crack causes me to
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Move Mari move
What did your opponent move
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Please close my door I constantly scream in my head maybe I should put a sign up
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You’re wasting time Mari
Protect the king at all cost
Keep a clear head
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My door isn’t closed to my liking and it’s making me nervous
Somebody please close my door
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Bishops horizontal no
Rooks L shape no
Knights diagonal no
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My head is also claustrophobic and it’s pounding away at my thoughts my mind is
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Everywhere and anywhere the queen moves
Mari just move
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I can’t do this please help me
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Mari make your move
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Don’t tell me what to do
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Keep it clear
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I can’t clear my head
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Mari move
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Okay
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Checkmate