OCD

I have anxiety

Well not just any anxiety see I have OCD

I cannot seem to function when i feel things are not in order

click

My thoughts aren’t what they used to be

When I was younger all the cares I had were so mediocre yet they seemed to matter to me so much more than the average kid

I was in the gifted program and apart of that was playing chess

I always had to have the black pieces

I always moved my pawns first

Protect the king at all cost

Bishops diagonal

Knights L shape

Rooks horizontal

Queen moves anywhere everywhere

click

My mind moves everywhere

I’m always thinking of worst case scenario

I can’t sit in front of people

Their mumbling my mind can easily mistake for sneak dissing and although sitting in the back completely hinders my ability to see I can’t seem to find the courage to just just move up

click

Always think ten steps ahead

Don’t let them get the best of you

Mistakes are unacceptable

Keep a clear head

Don’t let them get to your king

click

I’m also claustrophobic

If I cannot stretch my arms out into my fingertips and spin around without touching anything I freeze

I sweat

I hyperventilate

Inhale exhale inhale exhale inhale exhale

click

Breathe

Everything has a place on my desk

Notebook centered as much as possible

Pencil on right hand side because your right handed Mari stop writing in all caps

You can’t do that in college

click

Who knew a person with OCD could fall in love

I treat my relationships as if they are projects

As if the person isn’t merely a person more like a puzzle to solve and the only reason that They last long is cause their a hard ass puzzle

But then there’s the easy ones that I just drop because my mind moves faster than I can handle

click

I’m patiently waiting for my opponents move

My teachers foot is tapping

I wonder what I’m having for dinner

I’m fine with whatever as long as it doesn’t touch

Eat the least favorite first

Only mix what is meant to be mixed

Oh shit you lost focus what did your opponent move

click

I don’t feel comfortable if my room door isn’t closed all the way

Even the slightest crack causes me to

click

Move Mari move

What did your opponent move

click

Please close my door I constantly scream in my head maybe I should put a sign up

click

You’re wasting time Mari

Protect the king at all cost

Keep a clear head

click

My door isn’t closed to my liking and it’s making me nervous

Somebody please close my door

click

Bishops horizontal no

Rooks L shape no

Knights diagonal no

click

My head is also claustrophobic and it’s pounding away at my thoughts my mind is

click

Everywhere and anywhere the queen moves

Mari just move

click

I can’t do this please help me

click

Mari make your move

click

Don’t tell me what to do

click

Keep it clear

click

I can’t clear my head

click

Mari move

click

Okay

click

Checkmate

This poem is about: 
Me
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