Oh, Fear.

Fri, 01/13/2017 - 21:14 -- Keerla

Oh, fear. Oh, pain. 

How we had each other's numbers.

Oh, fear. Oh, pain.

How we knew each other so well.

 

How you sought me in the dark,

In the night, in my sheets.

How you reminded me of tasks done wrong,

And how you taught me not to live.

 

You watched me in the bright, long winter

In the beginning of the year.

When I had heard my grandmother had a tumor

And never would it leave.

 

Oh, fear. Oh, pain. 

How you laughed at me

During my first heartbreak

On Valentine's Day.

 

How you laughed as I cried.

How you snickered at my shame

For loving a boy for a few short months

And hating myself for caring.

 

Oh, fear. Oh, pain.

How you stayed and stayed and stayed.

And just four months later,

Grandma passed away.

 

Oh, fear. Oh, pain.

You settled in deeper every day.

As I wondered why not a tear left my cheek,

As I wondered why I didn't seem to care.

 

You kept me company on the drive home

As Mom lamented on happy memories.

And as I said nothing, the laughter died away.

Silence reigned the rest of the drive home.

 

Oh, fear. Oh, pain.

You remember the little things.

You stayed with me on the tiny things.

And never let me go.

 

"Remember that cat?" you said one day.

"Remember when she was crushed by the garage door?

"Yes, you remember, Oh, of course you do!

After all, you were the one to hear the door slamming down on her at her final day!"

 

"Just a few weeks after,

Your grandma passed away.

And your love, oh your love,

Left you all alone."

 

Oh, fear. Oh, pain. 

You came when the realtors came.

"We want your house," they say,

Just one month after Grandma dies.

 

Oh, fear. Oh, pain. 

How you love testing season.

The weeks of SATs, finals, and grades.

Just one month after the cat, Grandma, and him.

 

Oh, fear. Oh, pain.

How you brought stress along for the ride.

And how you let me pass out

during a test with my teacher.

 

Oh, fear. Oh, pain.

I met your new friend.

It's shame.

We'll be friends for some time.

 

How all four of you keep me company when I come home,

With a frazzled teacher.

We tell my mom what happened.

How you keep me company when I don't understand a thing.

 

Oh, fear. Oh, pain.

Thanks for bringing me nightmares.

I didn't know that not crying could lead to this.

I didn't know keeping it in could let things out at night.

 

Oh, fear. Oh, pain.

I can't sleep. 

Oh, fear. Oh, pain.

I don't want to eat.

 

Oh, fear. Oh, pain.

I hate growing up.

Thank you so much

For reminding me what life is like.

 

But, oh, fear. Oh, pain.

This is really getting old.

The crying. The hurting.

The oh-so-much pain.

 

I found a friend today. No one special. 

Just someone who smiles.

And whose smile is so bright

I can't help but smile back.

 

Oh, fear. Hi, pain.

Someone hugged me today.

I don't know who they are, or why they did it,

But I slept peacefully the next day.

 

Oh, fear! Hey, pain!

I had some fun today.

I wrote a book and went outside.

I forgot how bright the sun really shines.

 

Summer is coming, and now summer has left.

Fall has come and gone.

Winter is back in session, with frost crusting the leaves.

And I forgot how fun it is to smile again.

 

Hi, fear. Hi, pain.

I hope you're doing well today.

It's a new year,

And a new me.

 

The nightmares are gone. 

I learned they leave when I cry.

The shame is gone.

I learned it leaves when I laugh.

 

Hello, fear. Hello, pain.

Thank you for being here today.

But I'd now like to ask you

To formally leave.

Because I've realized that I'm in control of when you leave and when you stay.

 

Life goes on. Bad things happen.

People pass on.

Relationships are broken.

Relationships are built annew.

 

Life keeps coming. It keeps giving. It keeps taking.

I can learn to give freely when life takes,

And take gladly

When life gives.

 

So, thank you. Oh, fear. Oh, pain.

Without you, I'll have never learned

The importance of

Love and acceptance.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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