Open Letter From a Cutter to a Diabetic Friend

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 02:30 -- vw76
*TRIGGER WARNING*
Author's note: At the time of writing, I had self harm issues, specifically with cutting. As of the poem's latest submission, I am almost two months clean. I am sharing this poem because I want others who can relate to know that they are not alone as well as to document the well-hidden distress self harmers endure. This poem can be triggering. Continue at your cautious discretion.
 
When I watch you prick your finger multiple times throughout the school day I can't help but feel a twinge of selfishness.
You didn't choose to be diabetic.
You don't choose to prick your finger; it's a medical necessity.
I feel selfish because no one told me to cut myself.
Sure I heard voices, but what medic told me I should take a blade to my skin?
It's only a temporary solution- like your pump.
Like your Smarties and my anti-depressants.
While you use your needle to check your sugar I use my knife to check if I'm still alive.
I'm sorry, I always talk too much about myself.
I'm such an egotistical prick
But it frustrates me how your doctor says you do well keeping track of yourself while mine just thinks I get too hard on myself. 
Because we're not too different.
We're both used to our routines.
And we can't move on
Until we see blood.

Comments

savigirl14

Wow

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741