OPEN LETTER TO GOD

Lord, I am a sinner.

This I know for certain,

Yet I am not actively working towards self betterment.

 

Lord on the rare occasion that I get down on my knees to reach you,

Most times I do not know what to say.

Yes I appreciate the fact that I am alive,

Yes I love that I have food in my plate,

Roof over my head,

Parents, friends,

Talent…

But I don’t thank you for these,

Not enough and most times not at all.

 

I am a bad person dear Lord.

I think of the lies I’ve told,

Hearts I have broken,

I think that I should drink less,

Blaspheme less,

See my parents more,

Hate less,

Call people more,

But I don’t.

 

Lord I think of my pride,

I mean, sometimes I don’t contact you for so long,

That I figure there is no point getting on my knees anymore.

Then when trouble comes knocking,

I come running,

Begging,

Saying “Lord, I have been a bad boy,

But since I am your child,

Since you love me,

Since you created me; sins and all,

Since Lord you are merciful,

Have mercy on me and forgive me for all my sins,

Of action and thought.”

 

Then after that, without even caring whether you forgive me or not,

Without even apologizing for my arrogance,

I get right on the “Oh Lord I need this..

Oh Lord I need that…

Oh Lord by the way can you hook me up with this?

Lord I need that favor we talked about.”

 

Dear God, my arrogance is going to be the death of me.

I mean, I look at these road preachers,

With their leather bound Bibles,

Cheap suits,

And a reason to want to reach into my pocket,

And I get like, “Really guys? Come on! Get the fuck away me!”

 

Maybe they are genuine messengers spreading your word,

Or maybe they are the China made con-artists in the Bible.

Or maybe I should just listen to them and not give them a thing.

Oh God I’m so confused.

 

Lord last time I was in church,

It was because a girl I liked went there,

And since I so much wanted to pull her panties down,

Since I really wanted to explore every inch of her,

Lord I followed her right into your house,

And ravaged her just like I wanted.

After that, I redeveloped my allergy for church.

 

Sometimes I do good for random strangers.

I pay someone’s bus fare,

Give my jacket to a total stranger just because they seem poor and cold,

Drop a coin at the local beggar’s feet,

And convince myself that I am a good guy.

But does it matter Lord?

 

Sometimes I think that you aren’t there at all.

Of course I reprimand myself for that,

Or for when I really criticize every priest I come across,

Or for thinking that you must really be cruel,

For letting this terrorist attack happen,

Or for allowing that war to go on,

I mean what kind of a being are you,

He who lets His children murder one another for nothing?

 

Then just because I don’t repent enough,

Just because I am skeptical about priests and churches,

Just because I don’t pray enough,

JUST BECAUSE I AM NOT SAVED,

I will go to hell with the murderers,

And the rapists,

And the terrorists who kill for an idea of seven virgins after death?!!!!

Lord, are you serious?!!!

 

See, this is the kind of human being that I am.

I question a lot.

I am sure this poem has enough blasphemy in it to send me to hell a billion times,

But you wouldn’t have created me smart if you didn’t want me to question things.

 

Like I said Lord,

I am a sinner and most times I can’t help it.

I wish I didn’t blaspheme at all,

I wish my dark side wouldn’t be so gargantuan,

I wish I could help the sneer that creeps upon my face every time a priest says,

“May all who want to welcome Jesus in their hearts come in front!”

 

Forgive me dear Lord,

For I am sinner.

I sin a lot and you can see that I am a bit of a rebel when it comes to religion.

It bugs me sometimes but obviously not enough.

I believe in you God,

I believe in Jesus and the Holy Ghost.

 

Maybe one day I’ll be decent enough to go to Heaven,

But till then God I pray,

Don’t let me die, for hell sounds pretty scary.

This poem is about: 
Me
Our world

Comments

RedJewel99

This poem was beautiful; your use of repitition really got the point across. I identify with this, even now, with being saved, and I admire your honesty in your poem. Please, keep these free verses coming about the Lord. His House needs to be filled again. Thank you.

Charles Muchori

Thank you so much Red for taking the time to read this and to actually comment. I had been wanting to write something about my strained relationship with God  and my feelings thereof but I lacked the words till this piece came to mind. Thank you again for the love.

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