Our Fault Lines

Location

I fear faults

But only in myself

Because there are certain qualities

A person should not be

So leaving me with dosages of empathy

Paired with a default of submissiveness

Leaves me with black eyes

And burned fingertips

(This isn't about you)

When I noticed you

And the faults you held

I never wanted you

To feel the way I do

So I suppressed myself

To give your fault lines

More room

(This isn't about you)

But you never did the same for me

You called me out on my detriments

Told me to stop being this and that

You said not to be me

As if my past catastrophes

Were shallow enough

To be washed away

(This isn't about you)

You wore me down

And I breathed it in

As my own solecism

Like a sponge absorbing

All the debris surrounding me

You told me it was my fault

For being born into this mind, this body,

This me based off of

Bad circumstances

Dirt smeared on bloody knees

And a tendency

To need forgiveness

Over offenses

That are not my own

(This isn't about you)

I am at risk

But there is no cure for submissiveness

When you're a haphazard pile of broken glass

And you're taught your place

Is beneath someone else's ass

Through someone's empty beer bottle

Or someone's forgotten text

Through the phrase "who cares?"

And "get over it"

And broken promises

I succumbed to believe in

(This isn't about you)

I apologize when you take the scalpel

To my heart

And I apologize when I try to sew up

Your paper cut

(This isn't about you)

I'm a prisoner in my own war

That's been plaguing me for years

No one has won, and the casualties increase

As I'm screaming out for bandages

That no one ever brings

You gaze at my wounds through clouded eyes

And place the bandaid over someone more important

(This isn't about you)

I'll never hate you

I'll only hate this war

And if you think this is about you...

It's not.

 

 

 

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