A Part of the Future is in My Hands, At Least

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sometimes i think about my life, my goals, my dreams and aspirations

what will i do? what will i be?  who will i meet?

 

and sometimes, it just overwhelms me all together.

 

i lie in bed, my body in one place while my mind is in twenty others

i think about one path in particular, one i've begun to be serious about

with more people in need everyday, calls for more people who can help

nursing people back into good health, along with strengthening their souls, their bodies,

 

is something i would sacrifice a lot to do.

 

it would be a long winding path to being this person,

filled with anger, frustration, tears and sleepless nights.

studying up until dawn, shuffling through textbooks filled with the human anatomy and chemical reactions and things that end up being a blur after hours of looking it over and over and over

 

and in the midst of a sentence about something i haven't even started to comprehend i'll think, 'all this will be worth it in the end, though.'

 

i know it will be worth it when i'm in a hospital by the doctors side and i get to see the look of relief on a person's face when they know their mother is going to be alright

 

i know it will be gut wrenchingly hard to look into the face of a child who just lost their grandmother, i know

 

i know the tears that will fall, the sighs of relief and the outcries of someone who felt they didn't do enough when they did all they could have

 

and I know i will beat myself up over countless deaths, questioning myself and the world endlessly, learning the harsh realities in life that will haunt me for years after

 

but it will be worth it, oh will it be worth it, to see the triumphs of the human body, to see someone survive and knowing i did all i could to help them

 

and knowing all those small little sentences in all those big huge textbooks really helped out in the end

and i'll know then, that at least a part of the future would be in my hands.

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