Perfectionist

Tell me about yourself.
Well I guess I'm perfect.
Well at least everyone says I am.
They say I'm perfect for my honor roll grades,
They say I'm perfect for my varsity sports,
They say I'm perfect for my married parents,
They say I'm perfect for my long lasting relationships.

And if any of that is true then I guess perfection means only making honor roll 
when I have no friends
I guess perfections is injuring myself in a sport I never really loved
I guess perfection is arguements and favorites
I guess perfection is abuse and let downs,
Crying and heartache,
Pain and suffering.

Because apparently I'm perfect, but really my life is full of low expectations 
that still lead to disappointment,
Poetry that doesn't completely say what I want it to,
Feelings I can't fully express outloud,
Because apparently I'm perfect and if this is perfection then destruction must 
be pretty damn beautiful

Because, at times, I don't want to live this kind of life,
At times, I wish I never had to experience this.
Because if this life is perfection then I don't want it.
I don't want to wait by a phone that never rings
I don't want to be in a crowd that doesn't want me there.
I don't want to be surrounded by people who don't care.

But I have realized that I am perfectly imperfect.
My imperfections are all over my skin.
My imperfections slip through my eyes and out my mouth
My imperfections slip out my mind while my clothes are being undressed.
My imperfections leave hickeys and bruises all over my imperfect body.
Because I am perfectly imperfect and beautifully flawed.
I am uncommittedly faithful and uncontiuously attentive.
I understand that my life will never be perfect because I can never be that 
perfect little princess everyone wants me to be.

I am imperfect and I love it
Because I am the imperfectly rolling river that flows through your mind,
My poetry is in motion as I'm counting the time,
I let go of expectations that I didn't create for myself
Because I am perfectly imperfect and for those who dont understand stop lying 
and saying these are feelings you've never felt.
 

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