Personal Mojave

Location

I find myself in a vast dessert of uncertainty.

Unable to tell my moments of clarity and sense of direction

from the many mirages that block my path.

My steps were once loud and clear with conviction,

but just like a wanderer with no food or water,

 nature has be by the throat.

Stifling me with her presence.

Pressuring me with an overbearing heat while beating me with her breath.

I've never wondered how wrong could feel so right and right could feel so wrong.

 

On this dessert,

the North star is pointing due east...

its equally as possible the straight path I think I'm leading has been influenced by my right hand.

shifting me ever so slowly to the right;

just as those with no water seem to wander in the sand's waves.

 

I am no longer Whitney,

just a shell of what used to be her,

and the helpless soul within trying to find a way back

without losing the momentum of progression.

Only thing that is certain now is what was in the past.

 

The present is full of fog and questions whilst my future shows many paths.

Could this be my modernistic state?

It is unfortunate to be placed in a position where fear becomes me.

It doesn't just rattle my core,

it paralyzes me

only leaving my beating heart in motion.

 

The what ifs continue to find me,

little sand devils whisking up when nature calls.

The push and pull of our universe creates my personal tornado,

picking me up this way and that.

Oh, what a troubling time this is.

Even my faith is continuously being tested.

Find clarity how?

Make peace when?

A mirage of clarity comes and goes…

when will this end?

 

#slambehindthecurtain

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