Watching you struggle hurts.

No words come to my lips

as I want to help you, see you in person.

I want to make your hurt go away,

to help you see through the hateful words you sent me,

to make you realize there is a reason to live

and enjoy life.

 

But I am speechless nevertheless

as you text that you want to die, but you cannot kill yourself because of the pain.

 

A phone call does no justice at first.

Hearing you cry hurts even more.

I do not know what to say.

 

Later I reread your texts again

and again.

 

I am scared. I don’t know what to do.

I sit on my bed holding my phone,

crying for you.

 

I need to reach out,

I know I do, but I am speechless.

 

 

But I do reach out. I just want to help you.

A long conversation with my RA helps

put the words in my mouth that I need to say.

I know I must say something, despite how hard it is

to even speak a single word.

But yet she gave me the confidence that I needed.

 

 

With trembling hands and tears flowing from my eyes,

I take a deep breath,

push the talk button,

and call you.

 

 

There is a frightening silence

filling the spaces between my questions

and your answers.

 

 

I ask you if you are planning on committing suicide.

 

The answer is no. You say you cannot kill yourself.

 

 

I suggest professional counseling.

 

You respond positively.

 

 

And I get a twinge of hope that everything may turn for the better.