I never thought I'd sink lower than I did that day

But here I am crying, overly aware of my wrists in a way

I never thought id be

And you know if I was on a ledge I think I'd leap

And usually I'd joke and laugh like that was funny

But this time I just dont have it in me

To treat this like a game when we

All know its not so please

Just leave me be

Cause I'm beginning to leak

And I dont want you around when I split my seams

I'm filled up with something that just isn't nice

And I've got a way out, but it's not nice

Either

The odds aren't good for things like living

But there's one thing I've got that's a sure thing

And maybe if I can find a gun that's spring loaded

Everyone will laugh when they find me bleeding

A rubber knife, some silly string rope

Because it's just a joke,

Don't worry, I'm fine

I'd never go through with it, honest to god

Not until I'm alone and all there is is time

And the freedom to act on these feelings i've got

Thats when I'll reach for a pill bottle or two

To find out if dying hurts this bad too

And these moments are coming harder and faster

When I don't want to live without being plastered

And I know these topics are usually greeted with laughter

But I'm not laughing, I hope you know that

Cause even when I'm having a chat with some friends

Happy, smiling, you know, all that crap

There's a part of me that just will not cease

Reminding me that I want to be deceased

And part of me still just keeps repeating

That tired old mantra that this is all fleeting

And one day I wont be happy only when sleeping

And I'll find a way through this place where i walk

But the thing, is I'm not walking, I'm up against a wall

And I'm pushing and pushing but it's just not moving

And I begin to feel like maybe I'm just not trying

And I'm drowning my sorrows in anything I can get

Be it tears or vodka, or running-away sweat

And I know that you'll mourn me, but just let me do this

I'll be happier, trust me, when I feel death's kiss

I've fallen in love with the concept of dying

A true femme fatale, her kill count keeps rising

A seductress in the truest form of the word

Just the idea of resisting her is absurd

This is the way the story always goes

A body on the floor, while the tears of loved ones flow

And I'm sorry, I'm just not a good enough writer to create

A better ending because it's far too late