as i sit here in this bed with millions of thoughts going through my head most of them filled with dread others i wish they were gone but instead they sit here in their own little bubble not causing any trouble physically i mean but mentally their horrible. i never tell you i stay depressed from all the hurt that stays in my chest. the bad memories in my heart the other memories that needs to depart. from my mind they stay inside not to hard to find but you never know and you wonder why. you know me for being happy all the time. if you only knew how good i could lie. the face is a front for the real emotions inside. no matter how bad i want to i can never truly show you the problems i have but that's nothing new. i wish i could but i don't even know. thoughts of going away came by but where would i go.? if only if only i could diagnose my sickness but the trickiness off this illness.. . got my mind in the deepest abyss. nobody will ever understand me if i can't understand myself. i know what i'm about but my feelings is a story for somebody else. they make no sense for even the most psychological beings. i pray you could see what i was seeing.. . i feel the end is near. the end of me being sane not my years. don't worry about me. it's something that needs to happen. i call it my mind going through meditation. making room for it's next transaction.. .