Pride

Location

I grew up for 13 year's not knowing who i was.

i would look at the pictures i had online of me and see that i wouldnt smile.

the dark cloud of self confidence wayed on my shoulders,

causing the alinement of the bottom of my spine to the top to be as curved as the frown on my face.

I hated myself.

I hated that i was expected to marry a women,

my whole family counted on grandchildren

and that i needed to count on a princess.

only i wanted a prince.

it just did not make scence ,

too make me happy and get rid of this

sadness.

Haunting grim sadness.

8th grade cutter, blinded by madeness.

I would make my photos black and white so someone would understand stand that

Hey! Im upset, please come help me.

Cant you see im crying

im so upset and unhappy

i used the media to make me blend out

posting pictures of knives and guns

thinking it was the way out.

at the age of 12 i had contimplated suicide

for i couldnt see the potential, the gift i had inside

so i hid my frown with layers of blurred lines

and then i soon decided to go and take my depression online

so someone would see me

see past the filter

that there was a child

who was sad, and very bitter

 

A year later i began new theme

I had came out the closet and finally i was me

i began to put color and smiles into my life

knowing that my family and myself was okay with me not wanting a wife

i began to see clearly

all of the mistakes i did the most

that if i mask my sadness

on everything i would post

i wasnt solving the problem

i was creating it

That i was adding on to my depression with every single click

that at the end of the day i had to get rid of it,

because if your living in sadness

and living in denile

how do you ever expect yourself to one day learn how to smile?

I am gay and im proud

15 years in the works

i am hear and alive

no more tears i need to burts

the scars they have faded

leaving me new skin,

i now dont need a filter

to hide the unique skin i am in.

 

 

(photo bellow is from my first photoshoot, i dream of being on tv or broadway and acting, and im trying to gain money to go to emerson university to forfill my dream. on the side i write poetry, and draw, it is a better way to cope with your emotions)

This poem is about: 
Me

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