I grew up for 13 year's not knowing who i was.
i would look at the pictures i had online of me and see that i wouldnt smile.
the dark cloud of self confidence wayed on my shoulders,
causing the alinement of the bottom of my spine to the top to be as curved as the frown on my face.
I hated myself.
I hated that i was expected to marry a women,
my whole family counted on grandchildren
and that i needed to count on a princess.
only i wanted a prince.
it just did not make scence ,
too make me happy and get rid of this
Haunting grim sadness.
8th grade cutter, blinded by madeness.
I would make my photos black and white so someone would understand stand that
Hey! Im upset, please come help me.
Cant you see im crying
im so upset and unhappy
i used the media to make me blend out
posting pictures of knives and guns
thinking it was the way out.
at the age of 12 i had contimplated suicide
for i couldnt see the potential, the gift i had inside
so i hid my frown with layers of blurred lines
and then i soon decided to go and take my depression online
so someone would see me
see past the filter
that there was a child
who was sad, and very bitter
A year later i began new theme
I had came out the closet and finally i was me
i began to put color and smiles into my life
knowing that my family and myself was okay with me not wanting a wife
i began to see clearly
all of the mistakes i did the most
that if i mask my sadness
on everything i would post
i wasnt solving the problem
i was creating it
That i was adding on to my depression with every single click
that at the end of the day i had to get rid of it,
because if your living in sadness
and living in denile
how do you ever expect yourself to one day learn how to smile?
I am gay and im proud
15 years in the works
i am hear and alive
no more tears i need to burts
the scars they have faded
leaving me new skin,
i now dont need a filter
to hide the unique skin i am in.
(photo bellow is from my first photoshoot, i dream of being on tv or broadway and acting, and im trying to gain money to go to emerson university to forfill my dream. on the side i write poetry, and draw, it is a better way to cope with your emotions)