I thought the most important

Part of life was to find

The one person

That understands you.

I believed this was the

Purpose of life.

I’ll tell you that

I found that person

I found that person I could not

Live without at 15.

I thought I found the love of my life.

I invested my whole self

In this person.

I gave every ounce of love

I ever had to him,

But I found myself slowly

Slipping away

And diminishing before my family’s eyes.

I gave my whole self but I lost myself.

I knew it needed to end

But I could not bear

The thought of living my life

Without this person by my side.

When I finally ripped the band-aid off

I became a different person.

A dark, apathetic creature

Who could not find the

Good in anyone or anything.

I became emotionless

In order to keep myself safe.

I became un-phased by life

As if I carry a shield

To protect me from reality.

I am still afraid to admit

To myself that I am hurting more

Every.

Single.

Day.

I keep telling myself

That if I hold it all in..

If I hold it all in

It will soon drift away

But the pain is still lingering

And gnawing away at my heart.

Four long years of losing myself

Have caught up with me

And I cannot find what I am

Who I am

Or

What I believe in.

My thoughts race as

I try to figure out my life.

My mind is an endless pit

Of pain and confusion

All tangled up and burning

Up my soul.

I am beginning to think

I will never be the person

I want to be.

I never had the opportunity

To explore the world alone.

Until now.

And now that I am alone,

I walk through life with

A mask of a naïve child when

Behind the mask is a person

Who just wants to feel again.

Someone who wants to

Feel anything but pain

 But apathy is slowly

Lurking its way into my body

And influencing my every thought

And action.

I have searched high and low

To just feel something.

Anything.

I would rather cry every

Minute of every day

Than feel absolutely

Nothing.

Feeling pain

Is better than feeling nothing at all.

I have buried my emotion

So deep down inside me

I’m sure it has turned

To ash by now.

I don’t think I can

Fix anything I have destroyed.

Trying to put my life together

Reminds me of a puzzle

With one missing piece.

It will never be complete

It will always be broken.