Razor Blade Sins
The word “slut” is what broke my skin
The razor hit my wrist and I was enriched with sin
I scratched, scratched, scratched for that thin red line
The pain subsided over time
Days would pass and the scars would collect
I was burying myself in mental debt
The thoughts would come and make my head their home
I was done with it all and wanted to get blown
To escape the home bodies, I’d hop the fence
Only to make myself feel less tense
Sore wrists and slashed hips had become the norm
My one wish was that I was never born
Easily I isolated myself from the rest
God was putting me to the ultimate test
I was sure to fail, no way I’d pass
Face down and quiet is how I’d get through class
Boys were hopeless, I was always the duff
“You’ve always been beautiful” was the number one bluff
Shoulder injury was the perfect cover
The pain killers were a must have and the side effects would hover
Four pills at a time turned to eight
How many pills could I take at one time before it was too late?
My stomach lining was gone and my liver thought I was mean
I wonder how many days I’ll keep clean
The wounds on my heart got deeper with all the blood washing down the drain
I don’t know how much longer I could breathe or how long I would remain
I was ready one night in November; blade in one hand pills in another
I would not continue one more day with my saddened soul being covered
There sure was blood, but there was something stronger than the pain
Then I thought of the gut twisting claim
A baby nephew who had not yet seen this world and to go on with one aunt?
I would not condone this, I won’t, I can’t
“My mommy had two sisters but I’ve one meet one”
He’ll understand one day but until then he was no questions, none
Blade down, pills trashed, and just another long nights sleep
I have more to see and more memories I have to find and keep
This baby boy in now my life, my kin
Imagine him without me if I would have let death in
But death didn’t knock it just stood on my door step
The one person Im glad I have never met.