Razor Blade Sins

 

The word “slut” is what broke my skin

The razor hit my wrist and I was enriched with sin

I scratched, scratched, scratched for that thin red line

The pain subsided over time

Days would pass and the scars would collect

I was burying myself in mental debt

The thoughts would come and make my head their home

I was done with it all and wanted to get blown

To escape the home bodies, I’d hop the fence

Only to make myself feel less tense

Sore wrists and slashed hips had become the norm

My one wish was that I was never born

Easily I isolated myself from the rest

God was putting me to the ultimate test

I was sure to fail, no way I’d pass

Face down and quiet is how I’d get through class

Boys were hopeless, I was always the duff

“You’ve always been beautiful” was the number one bluff

Shoulder injury was the perfect cover

The pain killers were a must have and the side effects would hover

Four pills at a time turned to eight

How many pills could I take at one time before it was too late?

My stomach lining was gone and my liver thought I was mean

I wonder how many days I’ll keep clean

The wounds on my heart got deeper with all the blood washing down the drain

I don’t know how much longer I could breathe or how long I would remain

I was ready one night in November; blade in one hand pills in another

I would not continue one more day with my saddened soul being covered

There sure was blood, but there was something stronger than the pain

Then I thought of the gut twisting claim

A baby nephew who had not yet seen this world and to go on with one aunt?

I would not condone this, I won’t, I can’t

“My mommy had two sisters but I’ve one meet one”

He’ll understand one day but until then he was no questions, none

Blade down, pills trashed, and just another long nights sleep

I have more to see and more memories I have to find and keep

This baby boy in now my life, my kin

Imagine him without me if I would have let death in

But death didn’t knock it just stood on my door step

The one person Im glad I have never met.

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