muffled footsteps past closed doors

paper covers rip under me like

late autumn leaves outside

and the clock is so damn loud

stubbornly refusing to move its hands

 

a white lab coat swishes

across

my field of vision

and i

am tuning her out

her white coat

with deep pockets

release her white and pink hands

holding my white test results

prescribing me bottles upon bottles of

white pills

 

i can't breathe

my legs are soft underneath me

hand trembling on door knobs

and i am so

small

eyes averted from my reflection

in framed glass on the cavernous walls

each door pulled closed behind me

proclaims

good bye, good luck, good riddance

 

the car is cold

freshly dented

covered in bird shit

my chest heaves in an ugly sweater

shoving my head between my knees so

construction workers across the street

won't see

i am dying i am dying i am dying