Roller Coaster

Imagine a roller coaster

Perhaps your favorite thrill ride

Or one that scared you to death

The wildest one you've ever ridden

 

Picture your car

And imagine a button or lever

That can stop the ride when you want

Before you climb the top

 

You can stop and get off

During the upward climb

But once you get to the top

It's the point of no return

 

Maybe you’re too distracted

By the view of the theme park

Or the chaotic noise from the tracks

Or the carnival below

 

So you forget the button

You don’t recall the lever

Until you’ve reached the top

And it’s too late to get off

 

Suddenly you plummet

To the depths you’d climbed from

Your stomach’s left at the top

And the empty space tingles

 

You’re going too fast

Your heart roars in your ears

G-forces crush your lungs

And you struggle to breathe

 

You want to scream

But you have no air to gasp

So you grip onto the bar

And pray that you’re not gonna die

 

A loop makes your head spin

Another nearly makes you faint

Paper doll lungs desperate to breathe

While blood pulses in your ears

 

It’s going too fast

You’re going to crash

And if you don’t slow down soon

You might never breathe again

 

The ride starts to slow

The momentum is gone

And you start to catch your breath

And your heart slows its frantic pace

 

You come to a stop

And with trembling limbs

You exit the car

Stumbling away from the ride

 

But it’s not over yet

The ride may be finished

But people still talk

And their opinions are vicious

 

You need to use the lever

You could have gotten off!

You have to control the ride

Just get over it - that’ll make it better

 

I can’t control the ride

I can only control the climb

At the point of no return

I’m stuck in the fall

 

Then just use the button

It’s right there in front of you

Just pull back the lever

It’s so easy to stop!

 

But what if I can’t?

The mechanism’s stuck?

Or there’s a fireworks show

I’m watching as I ride?

 

Don’t tell me you understand

Unless you’ve been on that ride

Until you’ve lost emotional control

Don’t claim you feel my pain

 

If you’ve never lost control

Of a car, a situation, a scene,

Then you don’t know the terror

Of falling without aids

 

Don’t give me your advice

If you’ve never fallen before

You don’t know what’s best for me

I’m still learning myself

 

Don’t tell me how to ride the ride

If you’ve never felt the sudden fall

Don’t tell me to fix my panic attacks

If all you’ve done is stand and watch

 

Because this roller coaster

That I’ve described

Is how it feels

To lose my mind

 

Your intentions are noble

But your words are knives

That haunt me when I get on the ride

And stab me on the plummet down

 

I’ll fix the ride myself

With those who know it well

So just stand back please

We know the tracks way better

 

I will fix the ride with them

No need for your advice

Telling us how to do our jobs

Won’t get anything fixed

 

Just trust us to do it

We’ll get there in the end

You might not like the time frame

But it suits our needs just fine

 

Don’t worry about me

I’ll do it on my own

I’m healing at my own pace

Slow and steady wins every time

 

So just remember the ride

That terrifying coaster

Have patience with me

I’m an untrained rider

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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