The Secret Life of The Unwanted Teenager

Location

I stand in front of my worst enemy, the mirror
I stare at my 5 foot 7 large frame body and I begin to cry
The feelings of sorrow over power, I even start to repeat the never ending phrase I'll start tomorrow

It's another common night
My eyes are dropping tears
While my heart is screaming in agony

I feel disgusting again, my demons have come out to dance, I should've flipped the hourglass over when I had the chance

Everytime I get a slight bit happier, my mind starts to wonder if I deserve it, should I just forfit? 
My life is a game anyway

Such an ugly person with such a dark brain
Is it okay to feel joy or perhaps to dance in the rain?

Is it alright to dream of my ideal wedding
Or princess like prom?
Where am I heading?

I beg to differ with people who preach that happiness is life

For my happiness, is others sadness, therefore I feel like I'm living in madness
Is it selfish of me to follow my sickening dreams and go against your beliefs?

I dream to greet my old friend and even kiss its sharper side
I want to make love to my wrist and have no one will deprive me from it

Promises are meant to be broken, I've learned that too well. I live my life the way a criminal lives inside a cell

Cuts are to wrists the way thinspos are to anorexics, they're addicting to watch and assuring to follow, even the pills start to become tempting to swallow

When will this be over
Can I be sober?
It's been so long since I smiled
Quite a long while

I can hear the voices of little 6 year olds from a decade ago recite "you're fat, you're fat, you're fat!"
Believe me, I love sweets. Warm chocolate brownies make my mouth water, but I'd perfer to drown the numbers on a scale than sink ugliness onto my waistline

I'd rather taste bitter residue at the back of my tongue coming up at a rapid speed and down to the toliet bowl than see it later on my thighs as I stare into my worst enemy; the mirror

These nights are my therapy, my methamphetamine
I should seek help, but instead I stand here weak, and forgotten

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