Seeker and Sought (How Poetry Found Me)
It found me falling asleep on my mother’s lap,
Listening to her recite Li Bai’s quatrains
In a language I pretend to understand more than I actually do
I am every flaw she tried to cast off into the Pacific
On her 18-hour flight to this strange place
Yet I know I am loved
It found me
Sitting up against the playground fence
I have always thought myself to be
the simmering before the boil,
thin wisps of steam like question marks
disappearing before anyone can answer,
Why won’t they ask me to join?
It found me
The same why I found how hard it can be
To stay strong when the crack in your voice
Is split open like a dam by shameful waters
I am the inhale before the scream, once, twice, three times
Before eking out a whimper
It found me
The same why I tried to find
Every bone splinter fragment of myself I’d lost,
Relinquished,
Forgot,
Or gave to the first boy I ever loved like candy to an eager toddler
I am the halfway-letter you scrawled for him with streaky pen
Before you send me you’ve changed your mind
It finds me now again,
Strong enough to know
When to be weak
Weak enough to worry
If I am strong enough,
I am like the flame you tend to in the fireplace,
To keep me contained and keep yourself warm,
I didn’t consume you
But I could have.