if i can be sure of one thing

it's that I'm not sure of anything at all.

who truly is sure,

where they will go,

who they will love,

who they will BECOME.

you know, i used to think i knew myself well but the more i learn the less i know

and the less i know the more i forget

what it is EXACTLY that makes me,

me.

it isn't my legs or my arms or the texture of my hair

or my voice or my eyes or the color of my skin.

je suis

yo soy

i am

humans have been trying to define themselves since the day they set foot on this earth

what makes us who we are?

on cold lonely january nights i could tell you that i am nothing more

than the ski race i fell in

than the ice that juts out from the overhang above my porch

than the wind that cuts through no matter how many layers i have on

and slices through my heart like a steak knife gliding through butter

leaving me broken

separated

i. feel. broken.

like somehow i will never be whole

like the pieces left behind are part of some sadistic puzzle

where they don't fit together quite right.

when are we most ourselves?

is it when we're pouring poison down our throat till our vision is as blurry as our feelings

praying to a God we only half believe in

pushing our own selves down the dark stairwell of emotion

in hopes that someone will notice the bruises

notice the blank stare

and care.

no.

i am not my defeat.

i am not my destruction.

i am not the deeply lodged blades we call words that were thrust deep into my ribcage

i am not the bitter cold that chills every cell of my body and turns my veins icy with sorrow

i am not the way i feel alone in bed yearning for love.

no.

i am more than despair.

i am where my love lies

i am the lyrics of my favorite songs and the melodies they are wrapped up in

i am the sound my camera makes when i click the shutter

i am 11:11 kisses with the one i love

i am my hopes and dreams

i am me.

i used to yearn to be unique

something different

something special

what i didn't know is we are all special in our own ways

You Can't Tell Me,

that if you took a trip into someone else's mind you wouldn't find something magical

that if you took the time to study a person you wouldn't fall in love with the way they write

that if you took a moment to take a look at yourself that you wouldn't see the same.

you are a perfect sum of the individual parts of your persona

you are a cosmic compilation of everything that is brilliant about life

have you ever thought how lovely each of your individual parts come together to make a whole being

have you ever thought about the fact that you are made up of the same materials as the stars

we are all energy

we. are. stardust.

beautifully crafted into our own originality

a splatter painting of emotions

thoughts

feelings

dreams

with different loves

different interests

different things that make us unique

we are not our darkest days.

we are not the cold we often feel.

we are more than that.

we are our hobbies and the way our face lights up when recalling a childhood memory

we are the connections we build with the people we love

we are what makes us smile

we are the sun

stars

and everything between.

you are perfectly you

and i'm unapologetically me