Self Harm

Location

53154
United States
42° 51' 51.606" N, 87° 54' 49.9212" W

It’s like a private battle
Going on inside my head
My mind says, “Use the razor”
My heart says, “Live instead”

It’s like a little warzone
And I’m in the battlefield
The scales could tip either way
And to the darkness I yield

I keep this secret locked within me
But it escapes in a crimson tide
Soon everyone will know
That once again, I’ve lied

I try to control the urges
But sometimes I crave release
And I know that deep inside
My blade will bring me peace

On the nights that I don’t lie awake
Dreaming of far better things
Than cutting myself and watching it bleed
I’m quietly reminiscing

The good old days
Where the need to bleed
Didn’t exist as an option
Because I could grieve

But the tears don’t come anymore
And it’s red blood I cry
And now I fight off ugly thoughts
About different ways I could die

Sometimes I ask myself “Why?”
As the knife rests on my wrist
Such a temptation to take my life
And yet I still resist

I know I’ve got things to live for
Like family and my boyfriend
But each day I face the fact
That few people understand

What it’s like to walk in my shoes
To be a self-harmer
To make these marks on my skin
To think thoughts far darker

Than any person really should
But I wake up each day
I think maybe it’s time to break this habit
Although it seems so far away

Each day brings me new pains
And also something new
A chance to leave my past behind
And color my world something other than blue

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