self loath verses self love

tonight i cried

because i lost controll.

tonight as i stood in the shower

as i stood naked and alone

i cried. 

tonight i remembered when i was the girl

the boys fallowed around 

calling her 

"fatty"

"ugly"

"discusting"

and tonight  i realised

i am still that girl.

the skin i inhabit

was hers at that time

and the heart i have now

though more blackened and broken

is also hers

i am her still 

ive always been

i always will be.

these very ears heard these words

these very hands wraped around my shoulders

and warmed me when i felt too cold to sleep

tonight as i lightly slid the tip of my ringer along the blades oh siccors 

i wanted to dissapear

i wanted to be gone

and i knew how possible it was.

i knew these blades were capable

i knew where my arteries were

but tonight, as i lowered the blades...

i closed my eyes

i remembered her.

i saw her face

swollen and red

and i saw her sitting alone 

remembering the things they had told her that day

the day before 

the week before

and i saw her 

i wanted to run t her

to wrap my arms around her

to scream her beauty into her ear

let it ring in her skul

let her know shes okay...

tnight, i set the siccors down.

because that girl was me. 

i needed to love myself

i needed to love her

maybe that will set her free

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