Shit I Can’t Say to My Teacher

She’s our school president, honor student, dance captain, and all around athlete!

What could possibly be wrong with a child filled with so much talent and the smile of a goddess?

That’s how my principle introduces me when he tries to promote our school.

But what could be possibly wrong with a student living the high school dream?

Maybe the problem is that I never have time to realize that I am not working a 9-5 job but a junior in high school

“Monica when’s the next dance? Monica can you miss two hours of class and tour these very important donators and teach the lesson to yourself later? Monica can you come to school 30 minutes earlier to tutor, although we have to be at school at 7:30 already? Monica when can I have that essay? Monica what college….Monica! MONICA! Monica! MONICAMONICAMONICA!!”

NO STOP CALLING MY NAME!

“Is anything wrong Monica?”

Is anything wrong?! Is anything wrong?!

The better question is to ask what is not wrong.

It was drilled in my head to make the grade, take the hardest classes, and have as many leadership roles

But what is it worth when you haven’t seen the sunlight until Sunday morning after you have slept in from missing church.

Alarm clock rings, but I knew it was about to sound off because I’ve been staring at the clock all night doing work

The alarm clock is just set to keep my sanity and to remind me that sleep does exist.

My teachers wonder why I have no enthusiasm and constantly falling asleep

Well I am sorry I spent three hours on your assignment and made sure that it was perfect

“You think that’s a lot, I did way more in my day”

Oh really are you secretly hiding that your mother has not been home for months because she is ill

And taking care of two kids supplying them with breakfast lunch and dinner?

Did you help them with their homework, clean the house, and go to their recitals and games as if they were your own kids to disguise the fact that their mother is gone?

Do you attempt every day to hide the severity of the situation and just look in envy that they are ignorant to what is occurring?

Did you do all this while completing your reading, studying for AP chemistry, writing five page essays, and all the other busy work you teachers assign!

Sorry I thought that was only me.

If I break down and cry in the back of your class don’t send me to the counselor’s office because I won’t speak.

Why waste valuable class time, I was clearly multi-tasking.

It’s not like I can cry at home…because everything is fine at home…RIGHT?

That’s what I tell myself everyday.

**Teacher passes out grade reports**

“If you worked a little bit harder that could be an A”

Any harder and you’ll be visiting me while I’m six feet under

You wonder why my mind wonders

Why I over think to be so young

What is it all worth, when will my life be mine

I feel like people are stealing all of my time.

Not just stealing my time but my sanity and not to mention my virginity taken by my frenemy

But that’s a different story that I am trying to forget.

I have too many sad memories that my accomplishments can’t compete with.

The thing that get’s me is that I do not complain, but still you think I am immature.

You think I don’t know what life looks like behind those childhood doors.

That door closed for me when you got your first degree, so that perfect girl that has it all I’m sorry to say but it ain’t me.

So stop calling my name!

Stop calling my name!

STOP!

Why am I demanding this when you can’t see this until I am 18?

So I guess I’ll put this as the first page of my diary and look back at it when you fail again to inspire me

But don’t worry the day is approaching but for now it rests in my Sunday dreams along with the childhood memories that was suppose to happen to me.

DAMN! That’s a lot of shit I can’t say to my teacher.