the show

Thu, 09/25/2014 - 16:48 -- carlaer

Location

lights, camera, action, green screen, Steven Spielberg special effects this set up is more complex than anything you’ll find up in Hollywood

There is no time for stage fright the cameras here are always rolling

make sure not to slip on the cable wires on your way out because this is a show and the show must go on

please, do not mind me

I am an actress and an actress must not falter – Please direct your attention back to the show,move it people there is nothing to see here

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain I will say and you will listen because honestly, who doesnt prefer the glamour, the glitz and the legend?

You don't want the truth.

Because the truth is not riddled with fancy smoke and mirrors it is of unbreathable self loathing so thick you feel it coming up at the back of your
throat,

of prescription pills in orange bottles,

of nerves and tears

Clinical depression is more romantic on script

the scars up my arm are not photoshopped beauty marks but reminders of war, and not any war you will see on the big screen and not any war Michael Bay is
lining up to direct

This is the raw, behind the scenes ugly truth latest scandal

why should I break the illusion? personas are not kept up with truth and mine is an antique going strong

Method acting is something I have mastered

No worries, the undesirable will be removed

there is a reason the editing room exists because no one wants to see group therapy sessions and learn there is no intrigue in overdose no fairy tale in
suicide that it's not "kind of a funny story"

The psych ward is not your ideal set

it is a battlefield

one that taught me to speak

Because at the end of the day when the film stops rolling and my audience has emptied the theatre in single filed lines leaving soda cans and empty popcorn
boxes and a jacket in the top row

I am left alone, counting pills and afraid

I have learned many things in my academy-award winning acting career

I have learned that picking up the crumbling pieces of my mask is not worth it

that there are people that will help me pick up the shards of my authentic self with no care for cuts or bloody hands

that it is okay for a new episode not to air that the extensive fabrication of this production is not needed for people to love me

I have learned to speak out of my part because I now know there will always be people who will stay, until after the credits have rolled.

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