The Show is Starting, but the Curtains Won’t Open

The sun is rising.

It’s time for another day

I get up

Put on my mask

Pull the curtains shut

Start playing the hologram.

There’s a person moving across the stage

“pay no attention to that man behind the curtain” they say

Don’t pay attention

Don’t look at him

Don’t

You don’t want to see him

Look at the person running around on stage

They’re more worthwhile

They’re who you want to see.

 

The person behind the curtain is nothing.

I’m broken.

I’m falling apart, and I can’t find the pieces,

much less pick them up and stitch them together.

So I pick up the ones I can find, and I stuff them back together, regardless of if they are in the right place or not

Every edge to me is jagged and sharp and it slices whatever it touches.

So I hide behind a mask,

Behind a curtain and

Behind a hologram

Because those are whole, and they don’t damage everything around them

 

I put all this forth

So no one will judge the real me

So no one will see the real me and treat me like a fragile flower

Like someone who needs to be handled delicately

They don’t understand

They don’t see.

They don’t know.

 

And that’s the point isn’t it?

Putting on the mask

Pulling the curtain

Showing the hologram.

It’s all so they can’t see

So they see the smiling person

They see the happy person

They see the person who is so willing to listen and so willing to help

But they don’t see the person who needs it.

 

 

They don’t see the person that is so sad and so alone.

They don’t see the person who needs someone to listen.

They don’t see that I am not okay.

They don’t see.

 

And that’s what I want right?

Someone to look the other way?

Someone to pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

I want them to see the hologram.

I don’t want them to see me.

 

Do I?

 

I put on this mask

And I pull these curtains.

I do it to hide, and I do it so no one can see me.

 

I don’t think anyone could want me

I don’t think anyone could love me.

I don’t think anyone would want to be near me.

 

I wear all these things so that if one breaks, there’s another to back it up.

My real self is never shown.

I make sure of that.

I make sure that mask is in place.

That those curtains are pulled.

Maybe it’s okay if the hologram doesn’t play every day,

Because I still have the mask and the curtains.

 

But the point is, that I am hiding.

I am always, hiding.

No one really sees the full me.

I’m too afraid.

 

You see for me,

The Show is starting,

But the curtains won’t open.

The mask won’t go away.

The hologram is still playing.

 

I am still hiding.

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