Dark black monsters coil around my brain
Whispering sentiments and dark thoughts,
Clouding my judgment while
Hushing my moral code.
My grades begin to slip
And my body begins to expand while
Sleep becomes a distant memory.
I look like a ghost
I have become a ghost.
I slip deeper in,
The world has become the land of
Fuck yous and go to hells,
An abyss impossible to see out of.
Though now I sit in a room,
A beautiful hymn echoing on the walls
It is colorful in contrast to my
Lackluster and dreary reality.
A delightful scene plays out in snapshot images
A young girl plays, a smile growing
Etched on a pudgy face lit with childish wonder.
The swing set has become her castle while
The sandbox is a vile place full of monstrous enemies
To be defeated by her valiant efforts.
Her stance is free
Her imagination comes to life
As she is the princess and warrior
The hero and heroine.
The room grows bleaker,
The kaleidoscope of colors fades
Grey over compasses the neon shades
Black overshadows the pastel undertones
Sneers overcome the snapshot images
And a deep guttural voice overcomes the soft
Lilt of the violin accompaniment.
Melancholy sweeps over the room
As violence overcomes the images.
The alcohol drowns the room as
Childhood is ripped away.
Though, despair is wasted
For hope, a cliché term but for lack
Of any other word as powerful,
Through the essence of acting,
There was the escape.
Stories, the ones she so easily found as a young child
Became her hope, became her dream.
To act is to connect
Though against all odds,
Through the resistance of my family
And the broken state of the bank account
Acting in film is connected to my survival
And to my sanity.
I will act
I will find it.
Because through acting,
I have become the princess of my childhood,
Ready to become a queen.