So Who Am I

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So Who Am I

 

Cancer survivor struggling to make it out of chemo…no, that’s not me.

Orphaned child trying to find love in a world that seems loveless…no, that’s not me.

Single mom struggling to make ends meet…no, that’s not me.

Starving child in a third world country just trying to survive…no, that’s not me.

 

There are so many people in this world whose problems exceed mine.

So who am I?

I am a 20 year old college student of a loving middle class family.

So who am I?

Who am I to complain? Who am I to say life is hard? Who am I to hide behind the curtain?

 

But I do.

 

The curtain masks everything, the curtain makes it so you don’t have to explain, you don’t have to show what it’s really like; how you’re feeling, who you really are.  The curtain makes this hectic and chaotic life seem… okay.

 

But what does that curtain so effortlessly cover, what really lies behind the façade?

A broken spirit.

A young woman who doesn’t know what she wants out of life much less how she is going to get it.

The curtain masks the insecurities and doubts, the failures and disappointments.

It conceals.

It represses.

It obscures .

 

Everything you see, everything you hear, that’s not who I am, that’s what the curtain makes me out to be.

So who am I?

Pull back the curtain and you’ll see…

 

A woman trying to get by in a world where failure is inevitable and acceptance is few,

A woman who lacks the courage to tear down the very thing that imprisons her,

Because without the curtain, without the façade, without the barrier, people will finally see ME and who I AM.

 

But will they accept me?  Or will they call for the curtain? Will they resent my true self and long for the façade? 

 

This is why the curtain remains drawn. 

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