Sorry

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I'm sorry for saying thing the words we were both too scared to say. I am sorry for the way that I loved you. Maybe it wasn't enough and maybe it was too much. Funny isn't it? How our first words we learn to regurgitate time after time is "I'm sorry" like somehow all the wreckage would go away by muttering two words with seemingly no meaning. I'm sorry this and I'm sorry that. Apologizing day after day. Time and time again for the same old shit. When is it enough? I'm sorry doesn't help me when you've tossed my heart to the wolves. I'm sorry doesn't help me when I'm tearing apart my skin and soul. And it sure as hell doesn't help me when I'm trying my damn hardest to forget you. Don't you dare say those words I'm sorry to me anymore. They have no meaning. At the end of the day we all know you're not. You think they will magically fix everything you've done when it only creates lacerations even deeper than the ones before. But only this time you can't see them. I grip onto your words like they're the only things keeping me sane. The i love yous turn into I'm sorrys and how many fucking times do I have to tell you that the words have no meaning. God dammit. I'm sorry. I love you. 

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