Stop

Location

Stop.
You’re pulling the moves on me and then acting like it’s my fault, like I’m he one making this situation
complicated.  Just stop.
You keep pushing and pulling, dragging me in circles and all over the place, ‘til I don’t know which way is up.
And I
am
falling.
Don’t string me on and then
act like you’re confused.  Like
you don’t know where this is going.  As if.
Someone would have to be
blind
not to see it.  To see what’s happening.  But you,
you put the blinders on and look the other way.
Stop hurting me.
Stop coming back to this situation but then being unsure of your feelings.
Where are you going with all this?  I don’t know,
and I don’t think you know either.
Quit toying with my heart.
You don’t even realize you’re doing it, but you are.
You don’t understand what I’m feeling.  You don’t understand
how my heart leaps every time I meet your eyes.
You don’t understand that I can’t resist scooting an inch closer to you.
You don’t understand that I like getting teased because it makes me realize someone else notices,
even if you don’t.
You don’t understand that your little quirks everyone thinks are weird,
are endearing to me.
Weird, but endearing.
You don’t understand how cute you are when you’re acting silly, being yourself.
You don’t understand how charming it is when you
shower me with compliments and
say sweet things to me and
don’t even realize you’re flirting.
You don’t understand how much I enjoy spending time with you, even if we are posing as
“just friends”.
You don’t understand how it feels to have a crush again,
how the extent of this desire surprises even me,
how it’s been too long since I liked a guy this way, had feelings so intense.
You don’t understand the way my eyes light up and my whole body tingles
whenever you smile at me, or even send me a text.
You don’t understand how amazed I am at myself, that I actually like you as more than just a friend.
And how much I want for us to have a strong friendship, one that will last for, well, forever,
but at the same time, I just want to ignore all of that.  I want it to go away.
I want
you
to take me
in your arms
and kiss me.
I want you
to stop thinking so much.
I want you
to
simply
stop.
Stop!  Stop over-analyzing every detail of our relationship and of your friendship with every single person you meet or talk to.  Stop worrying so much about getting lost!  It’s all part of the adventure!  Stop trying to figure out exactly how you feel and put it into words.  Words don’t matter!
Stop trying not to care about me as much as you do, because
I know you do!
Stop acting so confused and wondering which girl you like when clearly I like you, so
why does this matter?
STOP not wanting to admit that you like a girl who likes you back and wants you so bad and is left wondering why you keep pulling away, over and over again, even if you have “legitimate” reasons, even if you are just taking someone else’s advice, and it’s good advice, even if she agrees with you, even if she smiles and nods, DON’T YOU REALIZE THAT INSIDE MY HEART IS BREAKING? DON’T YOU REALIZE YOU ARE TEARING ME APART?
Stop drawing me so close and then pushing me so far away again, it’s killing me!  You’re tearing me up!
Stop saying everything you think, except the important stuff!
Stop trying to talk about “us”, and just let it be “us”.
Stop trying to make sense of these feelings that are really just a complicated web, so huge and knotted that if you try to sort it all out before you make a move then you will end up never taking a single step anywhere!
Stop trying so hard to resist this, telling yourself that it’s
just the pressure of other people, and what they think, and what they say, and their pushiness, because
other people CANNOT change your feelings!
They can’t.
They can’t make you feel anything but
obligated.
And the way you looked at me
and flirted with me
and talked to me
and hugged me
and played with my heart
was definitely
not
an obligation.
No one is making you feel anything.
It’s your choice.
But
you should know
this one thing.
I want you
to choose me.
I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me,
“I choose you.  You’re my one and only.”
Because I've already told you this, in so many words, and
when I look into your eyes, my heart feels like
a lightning bolt is shooting into it, like it’s going to explode.
Literally.
I want you so bad
that
it scares me.
But most of all,
I want you
to want me.

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