The salt burns my eyes
I've repeatedly told myself useless lies
I scream at myself, alone
There's no one else, because no one's home
"Stop crying! Stop crying!"
"Being this weak is embarrassing!"
"Shut up! Shut up! Stop crying it hurts!"
"Crying won't help, it won't fix or reverse!"
I claw at my head
My eyes are purpled, nose pomegranate red,
clutch my sides and scratch at my arms
what disgusting charms
I'm yelling and screaming
Shaking and writhing
No one's here to see me break down
No one's here to stare and frown
I can sputter and choke
And it's like I never spoke
This must look like a fit
If I ever had one this would be it
Depression bombards and stabs my brain
Yet I tell myself over and over again
"Stop crying! Just stop!"
"If you can't even do that then why don't you just drop?"
My worst critic is myself
I can't even trust my mental health